Maiden’s Journey

As I may have mentioned in a post or two, for me, wearing a bra is a major part of defining the female side of myself. What type of bra best shapes me? Shopping as a male it has largely been guess work, until I was brave enough to go for a bra fitting, so I have a range of styles, some more successful than others. So, I thought I would compare and contrast a few. First, for comparison, without bra: Balcony bra gives me a feminine shape As a natural male, I obviously don’t have any actual breasts, as you can see. Even so, this dress (from Next) is still moderately flattering. Starting with unpadded styles, I have a Debenhams balcony type from the Gorgeous range Debenhams Gorgeous Balcony Bra  It’s a size 32D Whig is far too tight on the chest band, and too large a cup. But, the tight band and underwire does give me some shape: Hopefully you can see some shape there. The shaping also alters how my “breasts” feel and it really does mould a shape that feels real to...

My bra and my gender identity  To me, as a “new maiden” (boy who dreams of being a girl), wearing a bra means a lot. More so than any other garments or things I do, it is the bra that makes me feel like a girl. It was the first type of lingerie I ever tried on. My mother’s of course. Then later my own. I’ve had all sorts of styles over the years, padded and not, wired and not, full cup, balcony, sports, long line. I’ve tried a lot! Why? To me, their something special because they are something girls have and boys don’t. They’re secret but also not: there is an outline of the bra visible through a top, a glimpse of a shoulder strap. And imagining how it feels to be her. They’re a rite of passage for girls. The first bra a sign of growing into a woman. A journey and experience I dream of but have no experience of. How does it feel to put on a bra So what does it mean to me to put on a bra? It’s a kind of ritual of becoming “me” for a while. The first stage of the ritu...

Best Shapewear for cross dressing  I have tried a lot of shapewear over the years. Partly out of curiosity if we’re being honest (which I always am here!). But also in an effort to feminise my body shape. If you’ve not read my other blogs, that’s because I’m a natural male who dreams of being female. I’m not (yet) brave enough to transition or be a proper MTF transgender, if I ever will be, so I suppose for now you’d call me a cross dresser. Whatever I am, I’m not the shape I wish to be, so is shapewear a solution to that? Obviously a padded bra has a very feminising effect on my top half. What works for hips and waist? In no particular order, I’ve had shaping knickers, a shapewear thong, control tights, a bodysuit, another one which is wear your own bra and has thigh slimmer legs, and lastly a control slip (wyob). So what shapewear works? Well, most importantly perhaps, they’re all the pretty good at flattening the groin area and hiding my unfortunate maleness. But enough ...

If you read my post First Steps, I was really experimenting with female dressing and had a collection of lingerie, skirts, leggings, a dress, even a swimsuit. Not that I had ever dared wear them in public or let anyone else see. It was my secret life. Maybe in a parallel universe, I would have taken the next steps, come out to someone and who knows, might be living as myself now. But that didn’t happen. I was moving to a new town and new job and I decided it was a new start. And one in which, I was going to be fully male. To “man up” as it were. So I threw everything away. All my pretty girl’s clothes. For a while, I did “being a man”. I had a girlfriend. She was a dancer. I started to wonder what it would be like to wear her leotard and leggings combos that she wore for classes. I wondered how I could broach the subject. As it turned out, we split up before I managed to find a way, for other reasons. I continued being “manly” Until one day I figured there wouldn’t be any...

Obviously not. But actually is it obvious? There are a lot of misconceptions about people like us Maidens. And truthfully, seeing as we’re amongst friends here, it’s something I struggled with myself for a long time. I wasn’t too sure who or what I was (as if I am now!?) and I grew up in an era where anything unconventional was “gay” and this was seen as a decidedly “Bad Thing”. Which it isn’t.  In fact, I should explain: it is not that I was worried about being gay, it’s that I feared being found out, stigmatised and bullied. Mind you, everyone thought I was anyway and I got plenty of stick at school. It continued in adult life too. In my first graduate job, I had been there a year or so and after a few (many!) drinks got together with one of the girls from the admin team who said to me “I’m really surprised we’re doing this, we all thought you were gay”. Which was an odd interruption to proceedings. Eventually, I realised that it didn’t matter anyway, and that the defi...

If you’ve read “In the beginning”, you’ll have an idea of my early realisations that my number one dream was to be a girl, but that I wasn’t one. Sad times 😢 And at the time, there didn’t seem to be much I could do about it anyway. By the time I was in my early twenties though, I had my own place and freedom to experiment. I still couldn’t “be a girl”, but I could at least dabble with “being like a girl”. The best way Of being like a girl that I could think of, was dressing like a girl. The first thing you do when getting dressed is underwear, so why not start there? Also, it’s the most different and purely feminine and intimate and I was (and still am) fascinated by lingerie. And, one can secretly wear it under male clothes and no one will know. I had tried out bras and knickers and tights and skirts and dresses in secret when I lived at home (sorry Mother!). Now it was my time to have my own things. Buying lingerie for the first time  And I wanted something special ...

A boy but wish I was a girl  In the beginning I was a boy. So how did I come to realise that I was maybe actually a girl? Time I think, to fill in a little of the back story. And if I’m going to do that, I suppose the beginning is a logical place the start. The “beginning” is probably really about the age of 11. I wasn’t one of those little boys who played with dolls and dressed up pretty. It wasn’t until the onset of puberty that I started to wonder if I had missed my turn and was heading down the wrong fork in the road. Not in a traumatic way. You read about people feeling they’re in the wrong body and hating the sight of their wrong parts. I’ve never really felt that way about myself. It’s not so much hating what I am as dreaming about being something else. Am I making any sense? Probably not as I don’t fully understand myself! Anyway, back to the beginning. Realising girls are different...and wanting to be like them Perhaps the earliest memory is from a holiday when I...

This is the story of summoning the courage and facing the fear to go for my first bra fitting. If you’re new to my blog, I should probably make clear at the start of this that I am male (no denying that) although I feel female, so that’s the perspective I’m writing from. Therefore, if you are an actual girl, wondering what it will feel to get measured for a training bra, or an actual cisgender woman who has never been properly fitted and is thinking of booking an appointment, I doubt my experience is entirely relevant to you. For what it’s worth, my dearest wish would be to experience your real experience of which I can only imagine. But such is the life of the wannabe trans woman. If you are a real girl though, and you’re nervous about your first bra fitting appointment then let me reassure you that it really isn’t scary. I mean, I’m an actual man and the ladies in the lingerie department were really kind and supportive to me so for you real girls, there is less to worry about. Wh...

Do Maidens like to shop? Oh yes! And it must be a maiden thing, because Boy-me has no interest in clothes shopping at all. Zero. But Girl-me, I actually dream about shopping for clothes. Well, lingerie mainly, but pretty clothes too. In the real world though, it’s not so easy. To the outside world, I’m Boy-me and do feel a bit conspicuous browsing the displays of skirts and dresses. I’m always scared people are staring at me and jumping to conclusions: “oh look a cross dresser, or do you think he’s one of those trans people?” I once overheard two girls whispering “gay”. So shopping in the real world is mixed emotions. It’s exciting to think of buying something pretty and feminine for my inner Maiden. But scary too. It gives me butterflies. Over the years, I’ve bought myself various things. The pattern is: spend some time around shops trying to get the courage to go in; browse a bit; get brave enough to touch some things, look for sizes, maybe pick something off the rack to look...

Welcome Hi there! I’m “New Maiden” and this is my journey. And a “new maiden” is what exactly? That’s a good question, thanks for asking. A maiden is a girl. In history or literature usually a young unmarried woman or girl. So...I’m a girl. And new, means well, new. Has come into being but was not before. Sorry, confused? Oh well, put simply: am a boy, wish I’m a girl, so created “me”! I like the idea of being a maiden (I’m thinking medieval princess) and I’m all new. Hence, “new maiden”. And I had to call the blog something, right? And my journey? Journeys have a beginning and a destination, so where are they? Well the beginning I can tell you about. The destination, I don’t know yet! I’ve set out without a clear idea of where I’m going. Come with me and we can find out together where I go. And “maiden journey” (or maiden voyage or flight) is a phrase for the first trip/sailing/flight of a new vehicle/ship/aircraft so that’s kind of appropriate too. If you’re wo...