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“Manning up”

If you read my post First Steps, I was really experimenting with female dressing and had a collection of lingerie, skirts, leggings, a dress, even a swimsuit. Not that I had ever dared wear them in public or let anyone else see. It was my secret life.
Maybe in a parallel universe, I would have taken the next steps, come out to someone and who knows, might be living as myself now.
But that didn’t happen.
I was moving to a new town and new job and I decided it was a new start.
And one in which, I was going to be fully male.
To “man up” as it were.
So I threw everything away. All my pretty girl’s clothes.

For a while, I did “being a man”. I had a girlfriend.
She was a dancer.
I started to wonder what it would be like to wear her leotard and leggings combos that she wore for classes.
I wondered how I could broach the subject.
As it turned out, we split up before I managed to find a way, for other reasons.
I continued being “manly”
Until one day I figured there wouldn’t be any harm in having just the one bra and a pair of matching knickers.
And that was fine for a while too.
But it couldn’t last for ever. I am not able to deny myself of who I really am and I started acquiring more and spending more time being myself.
Although still in secret.

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