I’ve been listening in the car to a podcast called Straight Wife Trans Life. My friend Dee (another closeted married trans woman) recommended.
The podcast is presented by the wife of a trans woman who came out to her after they had been married for thirteen years, she having previously had no idea that her husband was trans.
Series 1 tells the story of their first year from disclosure on New Year’s Eve through coming out to family, friends, their kid, and beginning transition.
Liese (the presenter) is really honest. She was not ok with the news and admits she reacted badly. Eventually she decided that they would stay together as married friends, but she is very clear that she is straight and isn’t going to change for her spouse. She uses the term spouse, as she doesn’t accept that she has a wife, and in referring to their marriage, she talks of her husband, as that was what she had at the time. She is upset when her spouse claims to have always been a woman, because she married a man. There’s an episode in series 2 where they argue about this, respectfully though.
In fact respectful is a word that sums up the whole podcast. She is supportive and respectful of her spouse, but has her own redlines and insists on her boundaries being respected. Neither of them is compromising on who they are and it seems to work.
For me, it has been a real eye opener to the wife’s perspective on transition and to how it is possible to coexist without one or the other having to give up their position.
Yeah, she’s very honest. It provides hope that transition doesn’t necessarily equal divorce.
ReplyDeleteI hope so too. I wonder whether asking my wife to listen to the podcast might help her, or maybe trying to listen to each episode together and then discussing it.
ReplyDeleteThat’s worth a shot. When I first came out to my wife I asked if she would read a chapter from Jenny Boylan’s memoir. It was written by her wife and about how they stayed together. Nope. Not interested at all. AFAIK she never read it.
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