Obviously not.
But actually is it obvious?
There are a lot of misconceptions about people like us Maidens.
And truthfully, seeing as we’re amongst friends here, it’s something I struggled with myself for a long time. I wasn’t too sure who or what I was (as if I am now!?) and I grew up in an era where anything unconventional was “gay” and this was seen as a decidedly “Bad Thing”. Which it isn’t. In fact, I should explain: it is not that I was worried about being gay, it’s that I feared being found out, stigmatised and bullied.
Mind you, everyone thought I was anyway and I got plenty of stick at school.
It continued in adult life too. In my first graduate job, I had been there a year or so and after a few (many!) drinks got together with one of the girls from the admin team who said to me “I’m really surprised we’re doing this, we all thought you were gay”. Which was an odd interruption to proceedings.
Eventually, I realised that it didn’t matter anyway, and that the defining factor is probably whether you fancy men or women, nothing to do with gender identity whatsoever.
Not that me getting my head around it has stopped others from jumping to conclusions. Quite recently I was at a dinner and after many drinks was chatting with a former colleague who I had not seen for ages. She noticed me looking at a small group across the room. I was looking at the girl in the group who I rather fancy, Siobhan assumed I was looking at one of the men. She suggested as much, I denied it and she responded, (and I quote): “oh come on, you are as gay as fuck!” Sorry, I should have said, if the name isn’t enough of a clue, Siobhan is Irish. It sounds better if you read it in an Irish accent.
“I am not” I replied indignantly (English accent).
“You so are” (again, got to get the accent right).
“Oh no I’m not”. Ok, that bit I made up, we weren’t in panto.
What I actually did was tell her the truth about who I am and how I feel. We had the most amazing conversation and it was kind of sexy too. I remember saying I found it very conflicting not knowing whether I wanted to wear her dress...and she finished my sentence: “or tear it off me”. Indeed! Although writing this in retrospect, I now realise I’ve known her for about ten years and most of that time, she must have made her own assumptions.
I guess my “feminine side” gives off a certain vibe, seeing as lots of different people have jumped to the same conclusion. Interestingly, although maybe coincidence, the few people that have found out my truth have all been bisexual women. Probably coincidence.
Then I get to thinking: if I’m a girl inside, and I fancy girls, does that mean I’m a lesbian?
Well no, that would be silly. Just goes to show what nonsense it is to try and put labels on our feelings.
I’m just “me”. Whatever that may be.
But actually is it obvious?
There are a lot of misconceptions about people like us Maidens.
And truthfully, seeing as we’re amongst friends here, it’s something I struggled with myself for a long time. I wasn’t too sure who or what I was (as if I am now!?) and I grew up in an era where anything unconventional was “gay” and this was seen as a decidedly “Bad Thing”. Which it isn’t. In fact, I should explain: it is not that I was worried about being gay, it’s that I feared being found out, stigmatised and bullied.
Mind you, everyone thought I was anyway and I got plenty of stick at school.
It continued in adult life too. In my first graduate job, I had been there a year or so and after a few (many!) drinks got together with one of the girls from the admin team who said to me “I’m really surprised we’re doing this, we all thought you were gay”. Which was an odd interruption to proceedings.
Eventually, I realised that it didn’t matter anyway, and that the defining factor is probably whether you fancy men or women, nothing to do with gender identity whatsoever.
Not that me getting my head around it has stopped others from jumping to conclusions. Quite recently I was at a dinner and after many drinks was chatting with a former colleague who I had not seen for ages. She noticed me looking at a small group across the room. I was looking at the girl in the group who I rather fancy, Siobhan assumed I was looking at one of the men. She suggested as much, I denied it and she responded, (and I quote): “oh come on, you are as gay as fuck!” Sorry, I should have said, if the name isn’t enough of a clue, Siobhan is Irish. It sounds better if you read it in an Irish accent.
“I am not” I replied indignantly (English accent).
“You so are” (again, got to get the accent right).
“Oh no I’m not”. Ok, that bit I made up, we weren’t in panto.
What I actually did was tell her the truth about who I am and how I feel. We had the most amazing conversation and it was kind of sexy too. I remember saying I found it very conflicting not knowing whether I wanted to wear her dress...and she finished my sentence: “or tear it off me”. Indeed! Although writing this in retrospect, I now realise I’ve known her for about ten years and most of that time, she must have made her own assumptions.
I guess my “feminine side” gives off a certain vibe, seeing as lots of different people have jumped to the same conclusion. Interestingly, although maybe coincidence, the few people that have found out my truth have all been bisexual women. Probably coincidence.
Then I get to thinking: if I’m a girl inside, and I fancy girls, does that mean I’m a lesbian?
Well no, that would be silly. Just goes to show what nonsense it is to try and put labels on our feelings.
I’m just “me”. Whatever that may be.
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