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5 May 25 - living a lie

I’m wearing a soft crop top and Brazilian knickers under my male clothes today and it’s the first time I’ve done so since my wife found out about my underwear. 

I did wear some knickers last weekend for a day, which was nice but this is the first time I have had the crop top too. 

Considering that I was wearing the underwear full time and the crop tops every weekday evening and all weekends for the previous month, this has been a big gap. 

I have really been craving the feeling of a bra or crop top. That stretchy tightness of the band around my chest and the straps over my shoulders. It is such a relief to have one on now. 

Because I’m a bit scared about getting caught out again I have only worn the soft crop top as that is least visible under my clothes. The more structured crop top has bra straps which are a bit more noticeable so although I really want to wear that, it felt a bit too risky. 

This is so rubbish that I have to hide who I really am and can’t even wear the underwear that I wish to wear. 

Obviously I would like to be presenting completely female. Not just hidden underwear but wearing a skirt or dress. 

But my wife couldn’t cope with that.  

And if I came out, I wouldn’t have my role at work not any of the potential opportunities that might come from that for the future. 

It’s like I can only have anything, on the condition that I totally deny who I really am and hide all the time. 

My actual life is a total lie. 

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