I can’t believe I’m doing this but I have left the hotel in a dress and full makeup and walked half an hour through central London to Soho and my first ever queer bar, She Soho, a lesbian bar and man-free zone. Unfortunately no mobile reception to share with friends. Have logged on to the wifi but that doesn’t work.
Ok, so how do I feel?
Lonely! There are two groups of friends and a couple. The chat is pretty loud and I’m sitting by myself which is a bit tragic.
But, the point is, I am out in public as openly dressed and made up as I have ever been. That on its own is awesome! I have never done this before! To be fair to myself, if I was in a normal bar and dressed as a man, I wouldn’t be talking to anyone either, so maybe that is not something I should be stressing about. Why would I imagine that being in a dress is suddenly going to make me capable of socialising and speaking with strangers?
The music is pretty cool. The beer isn’t that good, and really expensive but that’s London for you.
It’s amazing how little attention anyone gives anyone else in London. I walked through crowded streets and literally no one noticed that I’m a man in a dress. I’m sure back home, I’d get stares but here, no one notices other people. I guess that’s helpful for me trying to be inconspicuous.
Everyone here is female of some form I think. There’s one possibly trans masc. Another is natal male but maybe enby or trans. They look like someone who I know on Twitter actually, but she is Canadian so definitely not her.
What do I do now? Drink my beer and leave? Hope someone talks to me? Drink more than I should, so that I have the courage to talk to someone else? Pretty sure that’s a bad idea.
Ooh, have been sitting with my legs crossed and now have pins and needles in my top leg. Ouch.
What else? I think I did quite well with trying to walk like a girl and sway my hips a little. I’m wearing my most padded bra and my padded pants so have maybe a more feminine bottom. Although that is wasted as I’m sitting down so no one can see that. It’s slightly surprising if I brush my hips and I have more derrière than I usually expect to find.
I have never been quite sure about this dress but it sort of works for a night out I suppose. It is too much for casual wear, not smart for office wear though. Ideal for being a girl in a bar then.
My wife would go off on one if she knew I was doing this. How am I ever going to explain this sort of thing to her?
How would I rate my first time in a queer bar? It’s ok, but I’m probably not making the most of it. A man-free zone is nice, it feels like a safe space which is good. It does seem like everyone knows each other so I feel very out of place. But what did I expect? I’m a man in a dress in a lesbian bar. Fitting in was always going to be a bit of a stretch!
After leaving She I walked back to the South Bank, by which time, my feet hurt a bit. Being out and visible in central London is surprisingly okay. Dressing in unusual or flamboyant ways is much more common and I guess most people will have seen trans people around day to day, unlike my town where it’s so rare. It’s such an anonymous place that everyone is invisible to everyone else anyway.
I needed to eat, so went to a chain restaurant for noodles as it was close and feels like it would be safe. In hindsight, I’m thinking I should have done dinner first then gone to a bar, that would be more usual.
There is a difference between a queer bar where everyone is likely to be accepting and I’m not a freak, to a place with a normal mix of people, who aren’t predisposed to be accepting and where I definitely am a freak. And the lighting is much brighter.
Given the effort I had made with padded underwear, makeup, hair, earrings and the dress, it was kind of annoying that the waiter kept calling me sir. I know my voice doesn’t pass and I wasn’t even trying to feminise it, but even so, I think that I was giving enough other clues that I was trying to present as a woman.
Aside from that though, and feeling a bit self conscious, it was actually fine. I had dinner being visibly trans and nothing bad happened.
I was briefly tempted to go back to a bar but I was tired, it was late and my feet hurt, so off to bed
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