First, and most obviously, transition and become a woman 😊🙎🏻♀️
Starting with the easy things, I shall pee sitting down (unless really difficult to e.g. an iffy pub toilet) for ever now. For ever ever. I am a woman.
I shall wear female underwear every day now, and again, this is for ever.
Just writing those things brings joy to my heart. Unexpectedly so maybe. I shall sit on the loo for the rest of my life! I shall only wear female underwear for the rest of my life! Saying anything is “for the rest of my life” does sound scary, but when it is something that relates to becoming myself as a woman, as Nicola, it feels right and exciting.
I shall remove my body hair consistently. I don’t ever want hair on my chest or torso again. I shall shave my legs too.
I would like to lose weight before starting hormones to be able to start with a flat tummy and a slender waist. I know that my skeleton is fixed at my age, but it would be nice to be able to have a little bit of feminine curve, even if that is only from fat distribution onto the bottom and thighs rather than actually gaining hips. I do wonder whether I could use a full on corset for waist training and get some body shape that way. That might be something to try later as it’s probably difficult to disguise under male clothes before I’m fully out and I think to be effective you do have to wear them full time.
If 2025 is my year of transition, then there are many steps that I need to take.
The dysphoria diagnosis letter has been sent by the Gender Clinic to my GP and the endocrinologist. I need to make contact with both and book the appointment for the hormone consultation. I can do both of these this week as it is simply online forms at this stage. Not sure how long it will take to get the endocrinologist appointment but that will then determine the start line for everything else.
Clearly I need to discuss this with my wife before that happens, which as ever will be the hardest part of this process.
I will also have to introduce her to me as Nicola. This is probably something that she will need to see gradually happen and take time to adjust to each change. Going straight to a dress and makeup will undoubtedly be too much in one go. Maybe starting by sharing that I am wearing female underwear and for her to realise that this doesn’t affect her will be a good first step. I could then be open about laundering it myself and once that is normalised begin to include my knickers in the usual laundry routine. The logical way to introduce female clothing is to start with something innocuous and not too different from male clothing, like my women’s jeans. Wearing those at home one weekend evening will hopefully show her that it isn’t very different and nothing bad. I could then add a women’s top another time to complete the outfit whilst showing that it isn’t bad and I am not going to look like a drag queen or anything like that. If that is accepted then I can introduce a skirt and tights, which is much more overtly female clothing. I think the key will be gradual changes and keeping my clothing choices aligned to the sort of thing she might wear.
She may still refuse to accept any of this and I will have to deal with that if that is the case. At some point we will have to have the conversation about whether she will stay with me through transition or if it is a deal-breaker for her and I will have to do it alone. I can’t control what she will decide, I will just have to accept her decision. All I can do is try to move forward gradually and give her a chance to get used to things and see that it isn’t as bad as she might fear before making any big decisions about our relationship.
Other practical things that I can be doing are starting laser hair removal on my face and voice feminisation training, both of which are fairly straightforward to organise and can be done in the city where I work.
I can continue doing the easy little things for myself, to help me to feel feminine. .
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