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5th February 2024 - almost got caught! But maybe I wish I had been

I had forgotten how weird it feels wearing trousers when you have smooth legs. I had tights on yesterday so didn’t notice it, but this morning I really felt it. The awareness didn’t last long but it was certainly noticeable for a while.

I so nearly got caught out this morning. My wife was out for what I thought was the whole morning so I took the chance to wash my female underwear as I am almost out of clean knickers even only wearing them at weekends. She got home much earlier than expected and literally five seconds after the tumble dryer finished its cycle and beeped.  Any earlier and I would have had to explain why I was doing laundry, or worse, she could have looked to see what I was washing and that would have raised some uncomfortable questions. 

A close call, and why I really need to be open with her. 

Although I want to be open anyway. Having always hid in the closet, I suddenly find myself absolutely desperate to come out of it.  I don’t want to let more time pass with never having lived as myself.  I really need to be a woman and I want to start transitioning now.  I want to book the appointment with the gender specialist, get a diagnosis and get on hormones as soon as I possibly can. Even if I do that now, it will take a couple of months to actually begin and who knows how long before I start to feel different and see feminisation in my body.  The rules are that I will have to have been both on hormones and living full time as a woman for a year before I can get a referral for surgery so realistically it will be end of next year at the earliest to get vaginoplasty.  Feels a long way off

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