Skip to main content

6 Mar 25 - visibly trans at breakfast is more challenging

I was unsure whether to do this, but in the end thought “what the hell, why not try”. 

Went to breakfast in the hotel wearing a dress, the same outfit I had worn to the queer bar. 

This felt so much more exposing and uncomfortable than the queer bar or dinner. 

It was daylight, crowded, a mix of work trips and families and a man in a dress in that environment is completely incongruous. 

It may have been better if I had a different outfit, but I had only taken the one dress with me. It is probably a bit more “night out” than breakfast.  

Staff were fine, and most people ignored me or didn’t notice. One little girl stared and a middle aged fat man actually walked away rather than stand next to me at the buffet. Hilarious. 

Going back up to my room, there was a young couple who clocked me and I heard them comment. Then we got in the lift and she couldn’t stop giggling. Rude! Then two families got in the lift. It’s really hard to hide and be inconspicuous in a lift, so that was an uncomfortable minute or so. 

I’m actually grateful to the people who were blatantly disgusted or amused by me because they showed me what it feels like to face prejudice when being openly trans and not passing. It’s not pleasant, but it shows me that I can deal with it just fine. Do I actually care about their opinions? Nope. Does it hurt me?  Nope. Is it annoying and rude? Yes, but I am above that. 

In some ways, this was the hardest outing en femme that I have ever done, but also the most important, because it is the closest to facing normal situations in everyday life as a non-passing trans woman and so gives me an insight into how that would feel

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time.   The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this.   Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it.  Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time.  The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...

27 May 26 - does my brain actually have a “girl mode”?

As I keep reflecting on my night out as Nicola last week there are a lot of questions and ideas that are swirling around in my head.  One is, whether my brain has a “girl mode”, because I felt so different and behaved in ways that were unfamiliar to me.  The really distinct difference in how I felt this time was that I didn’t feel like I was a man in a dress at all, I just felt like me. I remember thinking that this is what it is like to be “inhabiting womanhood”. Evidently I have ridiculously pretentious notions after a few drinks, but it was what I was feeling. This is what it is like to actually be a woman. Less pretentious.  An odd thing, but one which does make me wonder if my brain has some kind of “switch”, is that I looked at women differently. I am exclusively attracted to women and I am attracted to boobs and bums as much as the next man (cringe at associating with being a man). I know it is impolite to stare at a woman’s chest, and I make a conscious effort no...

21 May 2026 - a night out

Having a night on my own in London, I wanted to go out presenting female and get some more “real life experience”.  I had drinks and dinner with some colleagues early evening and to be honest had already had too much wine before I went out later by myself. This probably helped my confidence, although not my coordination with nail polish and mascara, which were a bit slapdash to say the least.  I remember last year getting in a lift in the hotel in a dress ready to go out, and being self conscious of people staring at me. This time, didn’t give it a thought. Likewise going into the underground and being on the train with other people. I didn’t notice if anyone looked at me and nor did I care. I was just me being me and wearing a skirt didn’t feel like a Thing, I wasn’t conscious of my clothes at all.  Similarly walking through a busy Soho to the bar, I just felt like I normally do walking around town.  Got to She Soho. Amazingly the bouncer asked me for ID. I’m 51...