How does it feel to dress as Nicola?

How do I feel when I dress up as a woman?

Honestly, it varies depending on how I am feeling in myself. 

At the moment it mostly feels hot, but that’s because it is a warm evening and I am wearing layers of shapewear because I’m wearing a pencil skirt and need to get a flat front. The wig is hot too. 

Not really answering the question. 

This time, I just feel natural and normal. I’ve never actually been out en femme but with the shapewear, padded bra and wig, I feel I could. And I feel pretty good about how I look. 

Some times, it’s not so good and I feel ridiculous or ugly or masculine or all three. 

Feeling as I do now, I could go on with my day just being myself and quite believe that wearing a skirt is normal, that I do have long hair and that the cups of my bra aren’t empty. It is only when I need the loo that I have to face reality. I can sit down and pretend I’m going like a girl does but the truth is there. 

Physical sensations 

As a man, I’m pretty unaware of my hair and clothing most of the time. They’re just normal. 

When I dress as Nicola, I am far more aware of the sensations of what I’m wearing, because of the novelty I suppose, and because of the psychological feelings I associate with my female persona and her clothing. 

Long hair feels very strange for a start. My male side has always had short male hair styles so it feels very strange to have hair brushing my face and neck. I’m not used to hair over my ears either and the slight muffling effect it has on sound. 

This bra is really comfy. I cannot recommend enough going for a bra fitting and getting the right size and shape for your body. Having previously bought bras on guess work, I had some that were too tight and became painful after a while where they cut in, particularly the underwire digging in to my chest. This bra is perfect though. I am aware that I have it on and I can feel the cheat band move with me as I breathe but it is not tight or uncomfortable. I can feel the shoulder straps to, but again, it is as the move with me, not restricting or digging in. The cups, which are B, are heavily padded and add a size or two, so it looks like C/D, more likely C I guess as they are empty and don’t have any actual breast plumping them out. But it is the right size and shape. They’re in proportion to the rest of my figure and look just right under a top. 

Knickers are another example of something I am totally unaware of in male mode but which I feel when I am cross dressing. Obviously there is a big difference in the shape and fit of boxer shorts compared to the Brazilian briefs I am now wearing. Loose versus close fitting, but also the mix of cotton and lace and the way they move with me when I walk. I am sure these are not just physical sensations and that real cisgender women don’t pay any attention to how their panties feel, this is more about me, my feelings about my gender and how I associate types of clothing with femininity, just like I do with the bra. 

Tights (pantyhose) I do like. There is no equivalent in the male world, so they are novel. I am never aware of my male socks, but when wearing tights I can feel them flex on the sole of my feet if I wiggle my toes. I don’t have shaved legs, so tights give me a smoothness that I lack and immediately a more feminine look. This obviously doesn’t work with thin low denier tights or stockings where you can see the hair beneath and it looks horrible. I am conscious of the tights moving and creasing behind my knee and also of the way the fabric rubs together between my thighs if I sit or cross my legs. The tights I have on are body shaping control top pantyhose which I need to get a nice flat front and they help to keep my ‘tuck’ in place. I don’t like talking about that bit, sorry, but the knickers I have on are pretty flimsy and don’t do anything about that. Some shapewear knickers and bodysuits do the trick but that is a different feeling altogether. 

Finally, my skirt. I know in the real world, cisgender women basically wear jeans or trousers most of the time but so does my male persona. I wear skirts or dresses because of their image femininity and difference to what I ordinarily wear. I am sure this is more about my psychological feelings of femininity than the garments but I enjoy them all the same. Skirts are shaped for the female figure, for obvious reasons, so getting the right fit is difficult as the skirt is for small waist, wider hips and tapering thighs. I’m essentially straight up and down. A pencil skirt is therefore a choice betweeen fitting my hips and bottom nicely but punches at the waist, or comfy at the waist but hangs badly with no shape. I opted for looking good with a little discomfort accepted. A shapewear waist cinching slip helps a bit with the waist and maintaining a smooth line and flat front. Really thought, it is the curve of my hips that the skirt gives me that I love, and in rear view, I look quite feminine which makes me feel nice inside. The feeling of the skirt is nice too. When I sit or bend, it pulls across my bottom. When I walk, I have to take shorter strides because of the way it holds my thighs together down to my knee. This is a completely different feeling to walking normally and really fulfils my need for a feminine feeling experience. 

Emotional sensations 

I have dreamed of being a girl for as long as I can remember. 

But I am not a woman and I do know that. 

Dreaming of being a woman, fantasising about how it feels to be a girl, these things give one am idealistic sense of what it means to be a woman. 

Women have breasts and wear bras, men don’t. I don’t have breasts, but in my head, I have equated the bra with breasts and being a woman, so that is what a bra means to me when I put one on. In my mind, fastening a bra around my flat chest, positioning the cups and pulling the straps over my shoulders is a ritual passage from masculine to feeling like a woman. More so than anything else I do or wear, it is the bra that signifies a moment of transition. Seeing and feeling the shape of the cups reinforces the feeling that I have become a girl. 

To a lesser extent, skirts, dresses, long hair wig and makeup do the same. They are rituals that signify transition to the gender of my dreams and fantasies from reality.