18 Dec 25 - a night out in London

It was exciting to be out but lots of feelings, good and bad

For one thing, I felt bad about lying to my wife about where I was, and for even doing it which is a sort of betrayal (even though it’s not)

I did feel good about how I looked though. Admittedly due to padding very tight shapewear, a slinky dress and a wig and makeup (ie almost entirely fake!) but I felt actually sexy, long legs and curves and all.

London is very different to where I live. It’s so anonymous that nobody gives anyone a second glance. I went through Paddington station, travelled on the underground, walked down a packed Oxford Street and was invisible. Or “passing as female” maybe. London is so diverse anyway that men in femme clothing or heels or anything really is just about normal.

The door staff at the women-only bar were happy to admit me, one of them called me “sweetie”. So I guess femme enough

Then it got less fulfilling. For one thing, it was very quiet in there; a bar / club with only four people in is not much fun! 

There was a group of three women together and one on her own. She did smile and say hello. 

Another couple of women came in, sat down and invited the lone woman to join them at their table. Evidently no one thought inviting me to the table was a thing. Not that there’s any reason why they would.

And that’s kind of the problem isn’t it. Not one of the boys, not one of the girls. Something in between that doesn’t fit anywhere.

So now I’m feeling like giving up. 

It is good to have had the experience though I suppose.