Skip to main content

7 Jan 25 - impatiently waiting

Been a mad hectic day that has been quite frustrating from both a work point of view and a personal level. When it is like this I don’t have time to think about my gender or anything. That certainly doesn’t mean I should use work as a distraction or that because I don’t think about gender when I’m busy I’m not really trans. I know that isn’t the case, it’s just normal to be distracted when I’m busy. I would probably have got derailed by these feelings in the past but I can see them for what they are now. 

In other frustrations, I still haven’t heard anything from the endocrinologist. It’s only the second working day since the holidays, but I am impatient!  I want to get my transition moving! 

I had a look at the information sheet for the voice therapist that the gender clinic recommended. Not sure when I should start that. Feels like something that would coincide with social transition and coming out at work, but probably a bit beforehand so I have had some practice before my first day as a woman. I’m a bit apprehensive about the voice training as I think I will struggle. I can’t sing and I have struggled with vocal exercises on presentation courses in the past so I expect to be bad at it. 

Wore my long nightdress last night as it was cold. I like wearing it. The fabric is nice and soft and I like the length down to my knees. 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time.   The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this.   Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it.  Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time.  The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...
Post a Comment
Read more

27 May 26 - does my brain actually have a “girl mode”?

As I keep reflecting on my night out as Nicola last week there are a lot of questions and ideas that are swirling around in my head.  One is, whether my brain has a “girl mode”, because I felt so different and behaved in ways that were unfamiliar to me.  The really distinct difference in how I felt this time was that I didn’t feel like I was a man in a dress at all, I just felt like me. I remember thinking that this is what it is like to be “inhabiting womanhood”. Evidently I have ridiculously pretentious notions after a few drinks, but it was what I was feeling. This is what it is like to actually be a woman. Less pretentious.  An odd thing, but one which does make me wonder if my brain has some kind of “switch”, is that I looked at women differently. I am exclusively attracted to women and I am attracted to boobs and bums as much as the next man (cringe at associating with being a man). I know it is impolite to stare at a woman’s chest, and I make a conscious effort no...
Post a Comment
Read more

21 May 2026 - a night out

Having a night on my own in London, I wanted to go out presenting female and get some more “real life experience”.  I had drinks and dinner with some colleagues early evening and to be honest had already had too much wine before I went out later by myself. This probably helped my confidence, although not my coordination with nail polish and mascara, which were a bit slapdash to say the least.  I remember last year getting in a lift in the hotel in a dress ready to go out, and being self conscious of people staring at me. This time, didn’t give it a thought. Likewise going into the underground and being on the train with other people. I didn’t notice if anyone looked at me and nor did I care. I was just me being me and wearing a skirt didn’t feel like a Thing, I wasn’t conscious of my clothes at all.  Similarly walking through a busy Soho to the bar, I just felt like I normally do walking around town.  Got to She Soho. Amazingly the bouncer asked me for ID. I’m 51...
Post a Comment
Read more