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5 Jan 25 - I love wearing leggings but my male parts are so wrong

Last night, once in the privacy of my own room, I took off my outer clothes to spend a little time in just the vest and leggings. Although I have a little too much tummy, I like the vest and the softness of it. My legs look great in leggings. I love the look on women, and I feel that I have got it. My bottom is not so good though. Not round and a bit flat and definitely not feminine in shape. Hopefully hormones will help with that. The big problem though is the unsightly bulge at the front. There is no way I could be seen in public wearing leggings with that. Maybe with a tunic top that is long enough to hide it I might be okay. It’s bad enough seeing it in my underwear but at least I know it’s going to be hidden away. I would actually like to wear leggings out, but until I have had reassignment surgery that is going to be hard. 

I have had this idea for a while that I should go away on holiday and take only female clothing and spend the whole week as Nicola full time. There was a tv ad for cruises with a single woman going for the first time and I could see myself in that. Not that I have ever wanted to go on a cruise but it would be a contained and safe environment. I had a look at the M&S holiday wardrobe selection and there are outfits I could get. There were also swimsuits and bikinis which I can’t wear. But I really want to wear them and swim and sit by the pool. That just can’t be done with a hideous bulge on show. Honestly it would be so much better if I could the surgery first and get rid of it, so that I could more confidently present as a woman. The holiday is an idea though. And I have just discovered that swim dresses are a thing, so maybe it is possible. 

Just been for a run. It is crazy warm for January, 11 degrees, which considering it was 1 degree yesterday is a big jump. My leg hair has grown a bit since I shaved it all off in November so could wear shorts without worrying what people think, although I don’t want to see my legs all hairy and I always wish I could be running in leggings anyway

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