13 Nov 24 - gender clinic pre-appointment questionnaires

I have had the forms from the gender clinic since the weekend but haven’t sat down to do them yet. I had a reminder email last night so I need to get on with them. 

There are five. Clinical questions, gender satisfaction scale, social support scale, depression and anxiety scales. 

I expected the clinical questions to be about health and medication etc but there are also lots of open questions about feelings of dysphoria in a social context, in a physical context, and also euphoria. Each area has a number of sub sections. Having assumed it would take me half an hour to complete all five, this one alone took over an hour to complete. Or maybe I wrote too much!  I do tend to go on a bit. Being able to explain my feelings in my own words was good though. 

I really struggled to properly answer the scale questionnaires as where does one draw the line on strongly/agree/mildly or sometimes/often and what do you mean by discomfort or distress and when does distress become extremely distressing? 

I am pretty sure I don’t experience extreme distress as I am very calm and stable and able to cope with my issues. So then I start questioning myself and whether I can handle it because my trans issues aren’t real or is it because I’m used to it and just good at coping? Maybe I’m not “trans enough” (that old chestnut!). 

The anxiety scale suggests zero anxiety, which is what I expected. 

The depression scale shows that maybe I am a bit more depressed than I care to admit to, which I probably also know too. 

That is perhaps related to the social support scale, where I feel that no one supports me but I am supporting everyone else, as that would be consistent with burying my own feelings to be strong for others and not admitting to my own depressive feelings (mild or otherwise). 

I eventually finished the last four forms in bed. The whole exercise probably took a couple of hours but I suppose having paid a lot for what is potentially a whole life changing appointment, it is worth spending the time. 

Tomorrow is the last day to cancel and get a refund. I won’t.