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13 Dec 24 - came out to a colleague!

I had in no way planned or intended to be coming out to anyone today, or any time soon really. Also, I had a clear idea of which of my colleagues I would speak to first and it was not the one I ended up speaking to. 

It was the office Christmas lunch and this is quite a boozy event. I had much too much to drink, but so did everyone else so that’s all good. 

I’m not sure how it came about but one of the young women asked me what my secret wish was. I think it was because she had a piercing in the morning and so she asked what piercings or tattoos I was holding back from getting. I said none, which is truthful. She said well there is something though, and I said it was far too complicated to share. 

A bit later on, we had moved to another bar and she smilingly asked if I was drunk enough yet to tell her. I laughed and said no. 

Later still (but still only 5:30 or something!) she asked me again. And I said no I couldn’t tell her that. She promised to keep a secret and suggested I whisper it to her. 

So I whispered “I am transgender. I identify as a trans woman. Nicola, my name is Nicola”. Or something similar. I was quite drunk so some details could be hazy. 

She was immediately supportive and gave me a hug and said how proud she was that I felt able to talk to her, that she thinks I’m amazing and should just do it and live as a woman now and be me.  

It really was the best possible reaction. Coming out is scary because it is so vulnerable and you are completely in the hands of the other person and don’t know how they will react. When it goes well and you get a wonderful reaction, the pay off for that vulnerability is immense and joyful. 

We talked a bit about how long I had felt this way, what I would like to do, what I feared that held me back. She asked if I wanted her to call me Nicola from now on. 

There was a lot of joy and smiling and hugs. Some random person came over and commented about how we appeared to be sharing a special moment. Very try but they had no idea!

I left to get the train and she insisted on walking with me and we talked some more. At some point, she told me that female puberty is brutal, which is not the best news, but I guess she knows better than me. 

It was all super lovely. I’m a bit hazy on everything we talked about and it feels like a bit of a blur, not just because of the alcohol but all the feelings were overwhelming but all happy. Really happy. 

Later on, she sent me a message:

I'm honestly so touched that you felt like you could share it with me. I'm just so sad for you that you've had to live with being somebody else for so long 🧡

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