Skip to main content

17 Jun 24 - gender clinic booked!

So this was a momentous day and now I’m feeling something!

Having submitted the registration form last night, I received an email inviting me to a two stage assessment on 18th and 26th November. There were links in the email to book and pay. All I have to do is click and enter some details and I have an appointment. 

The email was addressed to Nicola of course and I’m still enjoying that.  They also said they would send details of the voice therapist and suggested I may want to start that in the meantime before our appointment.  I’m sure it’s wrong to read too much into this, but I could infer that they have already concluded that I am trans and can proceed with transition or else why would I start voice feminisation therapy? 

Suddenly, it is starting to feel real and November is both far away and yet it is now moving fast. 

Naturally what I should do is think about this for a while, and definitely talk it over with my wife. 

Obviously what I actually did was click the link, enter my card details and just book the appointments. 

Maybe I’m too shallow and fixated on money, but paying feels more momentous than the prospect of having a gender identity assessment. It’s real and nothing could actually happen until I paid the fee, so maybe everything up to now felt easy because it wasn’t stepping across the line and I didn’t have to proceed to the next stage, I could just delete the emails and they’d never know. But now. Now I have gone and done it. No turning back now. Well I could cancel and get a refund but that’s not the point. I’m doing this! 

-—

After booking, a couple more emails arrived with some more links to questionnaires to complete shortly before the appointment. I’ve not looked at them yet.  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

5 May 25 - living a lie

I’m wearing a soft crop top and Brazilian knickers under my male clothes today and it’s the first time   I’ve done so since my wife found out about my underwear.   I did wear some knickers last weekend for a day, which was nice but this is the first time I have had the crop top too.  Considering that I was wearing the underwear full time and the crop tops every weekday evening and all weekends for the previous month, this has been a big gap.  I have really been craving the feeling of a bra or crop top. That stretchy tightness of the band around my chest and the straps over my shoulders. It is such a relief to have one on now.  Because I’m a bit scared about getting caught out again I have only worn the soft crop top as that is least visible under my clothes. The more structured crop top has bra straps which are a bit more noticeable so although I really want to wear that, it felt a bit too risky.  This is so rubbish that I have to hide who I really am ...

23 Sep 24 - great podcast: Straight Wife Trans Life

I’ve been listening in the car to a podcast called Straight Wife Trans Life. My friend Dee (another closeted married trans woman) recommended.  The podcast is presented by the wife of a trans woman who came out to her after they had been married for thirteen years, she having previously had no idea that her husband was trans.  Series 1 tells the story of their first year from disclosure on New Year’s Eve through coming out to family, friends, their kid, and beginning transition.   Liese (the presenter) is really honest. She was not ok with the news and admits she reacted badly. Eventually she decided that they would stay together as married friends, but she is very clear that she is straight and isn’t going to change for her spouse. She uses the term spouse, as she doesn’t accept that she has a wife, and in referring to their marriage, she talks of her husband, as that was what she had at the time.  She is upset when her spouse claims to have always been a woman, bec...

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time.   The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this.   Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it.  Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time.  The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...