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31 Mar 2024 - another weekend, another failure to speak to my wife about my gender

As it is a long weekend, and I have a couple of days off after, if ever there was a good time to talk to my wife about how I feel about my gender and that I want to transition, this weekend is it. 

However I have already let two days pass. 

She was going out Friday evening with friends so telling her before that may have been problematic.  

Today her mother is coming for lunch so don’t want to create upset and an atmosphere in the house before that, and then will speak to mine in the afternoon so that is a barrier too. 

After that though there are no more reasons to hold off and it is by coincidence trans day of visibility, not that that matters at all. 

I know for certain that I want to transition and live as a woman so I need to do this but I am still fearful of starting. 


Now it is Monday and I am continuing to fail to find my courage and this is getting me down. 

We had a moment this morning when I was brushing her hair and we were quite affectionate that might have been the time but I couldn’t say the words. 

I just need to get it over with or I’ll never be able to move forward. 

If there is anything that I can take solace in, it is that I am frustrated with myself and sad that I can’t move forward with transition. The opposite feeling would be relief that I didn’t make a huge mistake and have saved myself from transition. I don’t feel that at all. I’m mostly feeling self loathing that I am so pathetic and cowardly. 

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