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19 Feb 2024 - reflecting on my failure to come out

On the face of it, another weekend when my courage failed me and another week wasted.  I am not without hope however. 

I have learned the things that make it hard to have a conversation, such as tv or phone distractions.  I also can’t embark on a conversation like this shortly before we are due to speak with family so that rules out certain times.  Before or during food isn’t appropriate as she may be upset or angry and not eat. Basically the only possible time I can do this is a weekend morning shortly after my wife gets up.  

I also have a possible opener as my mum noticed my long and shaped finger nails on a video call and commented on them. I don’t know if my wife has ever noticed or not but she has never said anything.  I can use this as my opener, by asking what she thinks of me having quite girly nails, and quite girly hair.  From there, I can start to explain that things that feel feminine make me happy and things that feel masculine do not as a way of introducing the concept of gender dysphoria.  And then just tell her that the truth is I wish I could be a girl. 

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