Skip to main content

24 January 2024 - feeling I will never look like a woman

Trying to keep up with the chest hair growth is a challenge. It does grow back as stubble as quickly as my facial hair, if not more so, and it is pricklier so getting rid of it is necessary. I don’t think it’s a sustainable solution though as it will probably wear out my shaver more quickly. Maybe I should try hair removal cream or something.  Although that stuff does smell horrible.  

Having been in the office the past couple of days I have been able to observe some women.  That sounds really wrong like it’s perving or something but it’s really not like that, I am trying to learn how to be a woman and real women are my only guide. 

I suppose one thing that is clear is that real women are all shapes and sizes and pretty much none of them are the shape and size of the women in Pinterest fashion blogs that I am looking at for outfit inspiration and comparing myself unfavourably to.  I can never pass as a woman because I’m not 5’6” and size 8? Nor are any of the women I know.  Mind you, it has to be admitted that whilst all the women I know may be quotes “imperfect” (whatever that is supposed to mean), none of them look anything like me. So maybe I’m unfairly comparing myself to models and fashion bloggers, when I should actually be comparing myself, still unfavourably, to real women. Either way, I don’t look like any of them and it’s difficult to see that I ever could. 

Not that I’m obsessed with breasts (much!) but in most cases, real women have breasts that are proportionate to the rest of their bodies. From what I’ve read, a trans woman starting at my age is lucky to develop AAA cup breasts from hormones and that is far from proportionate to the rest of me which would be more like C or D to look right.  

There is one young woman in the office that is frequently tugging and adjusting her bra. She had very small breasts and I suppose they aren’t large or heavy enough to keep her bra in place and it keeps riding up. I find this problem myself, what with having no breasts at all, so I can relate and it’s sort of comforting to have something in common with a cis woman.  

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time.   The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this.   Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it.  Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time.  The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...
Post a Comment
Read more

4 Mar 25 - first time out at a queer bar

I can’t believe I’m doing this but I have left the hotel in a dress and full makeup and walked half an hour through central London to Soho and my first ever queer bar, She Soho, a lesbian bar and man-free zone. Unfortunately no mobile reception to share with friends. Have logged on to the wifi but that doesn’t work. Ok, so how do I feel? Lonely!  There are two groups of friends and a couple.  The chat is pretty loud and I’m sitting by myself which is a bit tragic.  But, the point is, I am out in public as openly dressed and made up as I have ever been. That on its own is awesome!  I have never done this before! To be fair to myself, if I was in a normal bar and dressed as a man, I wouldn’t be talking to anyone either, so maybe that is not something I should be stressing about. Why would I imagine that being in a dress is suddenly going to make me capable of socialising and speaking with strangers?   The music is pretty cool. The beer isn’t that good, and really ...
Post a Comment
Read more

6 Mar 25 - visibly trans at breakfast is more challenging

I was unsure whether to do this, but in the end thought “what the hell, why not try”.  Went to breakfast in the hotel wearing a dress, the same outfit I had worn to the queer bar.  This felt so much more exposing and uncomfortable than the queer bar or dinner.  It was daylight, crowded, a mix of work trips and families and a man in a dress in that environment is completely incongruous.  It may have been better if I had a different outfit, but I had only taken the one dress with me. It is probably a bit more “night out” than breakfast.   Staff were fine, and most people ignored me or didn’t notice. One little girl stared and a middle aged fat man actually walked away rather than stand next to me at the buffet. Hilarious.  Going back up to my room, there was a young couple who clocked me and I heard them comment. Then we got in the lift and she couldn’t stop giggling. Rude! Then two families got in the lift. It’s really hard to hide and be inconspicuous in a ...
Post a Comment
Read more