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10 Feb 2024 - failing to find the courage to speak to my wife

Really disappointing to wake up with what feels like a hangover when I didn’t even drink last night. 


It’s been such a hectic week at work that I haven’t found time to write this and have barely had any chance to think about anything, least of all gender and coming out. 

Last weekend, my plan was to talk with my wife this Saturday.  I am not prepared and don’t yet know if I will.


I haven’t yet said anything but I have reshaved my legs and body hair which feels nice and am wearing knickers, tights and a crop top under my clothes.  


Four anti-trans articles in the Saturday paper today. Sigh. 


Oh no, ripped my tights pulling them up after going to the loo. These cheap tights are absolutely rubbish.  


So now I have gone to bed and I have not spoken to my wife about my being trans. I suppose that means I have failed but it is pretty negative to talk in those terms. I can make excuses that I wasn’t feeling well this morning so I wasn’t up to a difficult conversation.  My wife was in a bad mood at lunchtime.  She went to her mum’s in the afternoon. And then there was the stress of whether our son could get a train back from the football with most trains being cancelled.  The timing never felt just right.  

Or those are just excuses and I bottled out? Probably a bit of both. 

Tomorrow though, some of those barriers will not be there. I don’t need to go to the supermarket.  She has been to her mum’s so don’t need to worry about upsetting her before she goes. Son is back at uni.  The only thing happening is talking to my mum around 5pm, so having the conversation in the morning is the best time. 

I have put on my first bra to sleep in as that will let me wake up feeling feminine and give me confidence. 

What am I going to say? 

“There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Sounds too ominous and will put her guard up.

“I have been thinking…”

No, makes it sound like a choice. 

“I’m transgender “

Too blunt.

“I want to share something with you that is not a bad thing but it is a big thing to me. I believe that I am a transgender woman.  I always have done, since before you knew me, since I was about eleven. Obviously I have not done anything about it and have lived as a man, but it is what I feel inside. It doesn’t change anything, I still love you and am attracted to you, I’m not gay and I’m not about to start going out in dresses every day. I do need to know that it’s real, or not, so I would like to make an appointment at a gender identity clinic for a diagnosis of whether I have gender dysphoria and am transgender.”

Feels like the right balance, is truthful and reasonable.  How can she be anything but supportive of that? I suspect it won’t go well but if I am ever going to do anything. I have to do this first. 


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