I was chatting on a messenger app with a close friend this morning. Well because we live in different time zones, it was my morning and her evening which is sometimes a little mismatched when it’s her Friday night with a glass of wine and my Friday morning at work with coffee. Or of course, sometimes it’s the other way around. But today it was my morning.
She knows all about me and my gender identity.
That wasn’t what we were talking about though initially, instead we were discussing the likely end of her relationship.
She then started suggesting an amusing speech to tell him it was over. I played along and gave some (hopefully) humorous responses and we played out a fictional breakup.
Then I had a go at role playing the telling-my-wife conversation.
It started light and playful and then my friend (who is a counsellor as it happens) started giving serious responses. The whole conversation turned from a game to me struggling to defend myself and justify the things I was trying to explain. It was pretty intense, for me at least, and I have spent the rest of the day feeling a bit overwhelmed. I knew talking to my wife would be difficult but it turns out that even talking to someone pretending to be her is harder than I had thought.
This is good though. Really helpful and I am immensely grateful to my friend.
More thinking required. As always.
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