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16th February - some days it just all feels impossible

For no particular reason, today I just feel pretty hopeless about the possibility of being able to transition.  Or at least being able to do so without causing untold harm to all aspects of my life and those that I care about.  And there are always reasons why now is a bad time to come out.  I can't do it around any significant dates, because if it all goes wrong and we split up, the date will always be the reminder of when the ex-husband came out and that's not fair.  Then there are family events.  And what about the teenager's exams, not fair to cause upset in the run-up to those, or whilst waiting for results, or when getting ready to go to uni, or when at uni and needing support because they're alone in the world for the first time, or when they leave uni and get a house and job for the first time...there is never ever going to be a time that is right.  

Whatever and whenever I do it is unfair on my wife, the teenager, my mother, my team at work, anyone else. 

If I come out and transition, then I am doing it totally selfishly and at the expense of everyone else.  I'm just not able to be selfish.  

So I feel hopeless about ever being able to do anything.  

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