Skip to main content

10th February - how can I reconcile my transness with my career

Today way a bit of a day of two halves. 

It started well. International Women’s Day is soon and my firm is going to be celebrating some of its inspirational female staff and clients. I have nominated some of my team and others that I mentor and they are going to feature. Hopefully the profile will benefit them and their confidence. HR sent them emails today with the subject Congratulations on being and inspirational women! As nominator I was copied in but when I first saw that in my inbox I thought it was addressed to me. I would definitely like to be an inspirational woman. 

As an aside, I don’t really approve of the corporate appropriation of things like IWD. These things are supposed to highlight the terrible inequalities around the world and how women are treated. UK business can totally do better in treating women equally but denial of education, forced marriage, rape and sexual violence, fgm and all the myriad other ways that women are mistreated are what IWD should be talking about, not ticking some HR box for one day and then carrying on as normal. 

The less positive part of my day, gender-wise was related to leadership, which I have mentioned before. There has been a fair bit of disagreement about our direction and I have now had conversations with a few senior people where the idea of regime change has been discussed. There is a part of me that wants to take this opportunity and push myself forward. And on the subject of being an inspirational woman, I would love to do so as a woman and I would most likely be the only trans woman in such a role in the UK which would be awesome. But I don’t know whether it is possible to do both. Could I really bring this group together when at the same time half of them will be thinking that I’m a freak? It would be awesome though. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time.   The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this.   Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it.  Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time.  The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...
Post a Comment
Read more

27 May 26 - does my brain actually have a “girl mode”?

As I keep reflecting on my night out as Nicola last week there are a lot of questions and ideas that are swirling around in my head.  One is, whether my brain has a “girl mode”, because I felt so different and behaved in ways that were unfamiliar to me.  The really distinct difference in how I felt this time was that I didn’t feel like I was a man in a dress at all, I just felt like me. I remember thinking that this is what it is like to be “inhabiting womanhood”. Evidently I have ridiculously pretentious notions after a few drinks, but it was what I was feeling. This is what it is like to actually be a woman. Less pretentious.  An odd thing, but one which does make me wonder if my brain has some kind of “switch”, is that I looked at women differently. I am exclusively attracted to women and I am attracted to boobs and bums as much as the next man (cringe at associating with being a man). I know it is impolite to stare at a woman’s chest, and I make a conscious effort no...
Post a Comment
Read more

21 May 2026 - a night out

Having a night on my own in London, I wanted to go out presenting female and get some more “real life experience”.  I had drinks and dinner with some colleagues early evening and to be honest had already had too much wine before I went out later by myself. This probably helped my confidence, although not my coordination with nail polish and mascara, which were a bit slapdash to say the least.  I remember last year getting in a lift in the hotel in a dress ready to go out, and being self conscious of people staring at me. This time, didn’t give it a thought. Likewise going into the underground and being on the train with other people. I didn’t notice if anyone looked at me and nor did I care. I was just me being me and wearing a skirt didn’t feel like a Thing, I wasn’t conscious of my clothes at all.  Similarly walking through a busy Soho to the bar, I just felt like I normally do walking around town.  Got to She Soho. Amazingly the bouncer asked me for ID. I’m 51...
Post a Comment
Read more