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5 January - my new female underwear arrived

Just in time as I have run out of clean knickers! 
If you’re following this, you’ll recall that I was concerned that getting lingerie delivered to home would “out” me to my wife. And I also ordered it knowing that to try and force myself to have the conversation with her. Because I like to put pressure on myself unnecessarily! I haven’t managed to have the conversation of course but I have got away with it for now, as the packaging is opaque and she doesn’t know what’s in there. I just said I had ordered some new pants to replace my old ones. The delivery was from M&S and if you’re not UK resident, you may not know that this is the store most British people get their underwear from, so it was a bit of a giveaway! 
So anyway, forces awkward conversation averted for now, but sooner or later she will notice there’s no boxers in the laundry basket and wonder what I’ve been wearing all week so I’m going to have to explain myself in the near future. 
But I do now have my opening line for the conversation. We were chatting earlier about things we wanted to be as teenagers and how life didn’t turn out like that. What I didn’t say at the time was that the thing I wanted to be was a girl. However, our teenager is going out tomorrow night so it’ll be just us and I can say “you know we were talking yesterday about who we wanted to be when we were younger? Well who I really wanted to be was a girl”. It’s not exactly Shakespeare but I can use it as a jumping off point to then explain how I felt when I started puberty and saw girls going in one direction and my body going in another and wishing I could be them instead. Whether I stop at just sharing this information about myself or go so far as to say that I am starting to transition remains to be seen and I guess will depend to some extent on how she reacts to the initial news. It might need to be a multi-stage process to build up to that particular piece of information but we’ll see. 
It’s a strange thing that now I have set up and worked out my opening, I am feeling quite calm about doing it. Given that this is the huge obstacle that I have been too afraid to confront and that has held me back from doing anything for years. I’m suddenly no longer fearful, I know I can do it and this time tomorrow I will be able to tell you that I have told my wife that I am trans. This time yesterday that still felt impossible. 


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