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23 January - how can I transition AND do the things I need to do

Today was an office day so very much boymode. Well apart from the underwear, but no one else knows about that. 

I do like the office though as it is majority women and being around them is helpful in learning how to be. 

My role in the organisation is quite senior but there is an opportunity maybe, to take a step up. I was speaking with a colleague today who was encouraging me to go for it. I’m keen and would like the role but more importantly feel that I should be doing it. 

There are some issues here though. 

The place I work has no trans people. At all. 

The leadership team has only ever had one woman, and certainly no trans women or any member of the LGBT community. 

It’s not that they are actively sexist or discriminatory, but it’s self evidently not a culture that has enabled women to progress equally. Being an almost all-male group, it is not a culture that I naturally fit into or feel comfortable in. 

To take this on as male me, is a serious enough challenge.

But I also want to stop being male me and go into the world as myself. 

It feels like these two things are mutually exclusive, or at best incompatible. This is not a group of people that is ready to be led by a trans woman. Or as they will likely see it, a man in a dress. 

How can I transition and do what I need to do? 

Having said that though, wouldn’t it be awesome?  I love the idea of being the first trans person to do this in our company. It would make my job much harder for sure, but I would be so visible and be blazing a trail for others to follow and making a difference for equality. 

It would be lovely if we lived in a society where I could be openly trans and enjoy the same opportunities as my cis male colleagues. 

But I think it’s only possible to get to that position if I make the move before coming out. That feels like using male privilege and lacking integrity but even if it feels wrong, the end justifies the means if I can make it possible for others to follow without having to do that. 

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