Skip to main content

23 January - how can I transition AND do the things I need to do

Today was an office day so very much boymode. Well apart from the underwear, but no one else knows about that. 

I do like the office though as it is majority women and being around them is helpful in learning how to be. 

My role in the organisation is quite senior but there is an opportunity maybe, to take a step up. I was speaking with a colleague today who was encouraging me to go for it. I’m keen and would like the role but more importantly feel that I should be doing it. 

There are some issues here though. 

The place I work has no trans people. At all. 

The leadership team has only ever had one woman, and certainly no trans women or any member of the LGBT community. 

It’s not that they are actively sexist or discriminatory, but it’s self evidently not a culture that has enabled women to progress equally. Being an almost all-male group, it is not a culture that I naturally fit into or feel comfortable in. 

To take this on as male me, is a serious enough challenge.

But I also want to stop being male me and go into the world as myself. 

It feels like these two things are mutually exclusive, or at best incompatible. This is not a group of people that is ready to be led by a trans woman. Or as they will likely see it, a man in a dress. 

How can I transition and do what I need to do? 

Having said that though, wouldn’t it be awesome?  I love the idea of being the first trans person to do this in our company. It would make my job much harder for sure, but I would be so visible and be blazing a trail for others to follow and making a difference for equality. 

It would be lovely if we lived in a society where I could be openly trans and enjoy the same opportunities as my cis male colleagues. 

But I think it’s only possible to get to that position if I make the move before coming out. That feels like using male privilege and lacking integrity but even if it feels wrong, the end justifies the means if I can make it possible for others to follow without having to do that. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

11 Feb 2024 - how do you open a “coming out” conversation?

Feeling better today and woke up feeling feminine which was nice. Wife still in bed.  I could come out, but only to the dog! Went for a run instead.  2.75 miles which is 0.5 miles more than last week but the last bit was a struggle. We talked a bit but I didn’t say what I need to say. Now she has gone to shower.   I also didn’t say anything in the afternoon and then failed to say anything in the evening too. The problem is that it isn’t the sort of thing that neatly segues into a conversation. “Funny that you should mention penile inversion vaginoplasty…” is unlikely to ever come up as an opportune opening.   And it is the opening sentence that I think is the hardest part.  That is the moment of “shock” so needs to be not too shocking. After that, I think I will find the rest fairly easy as it is just telling my story.   I think that “I’m transgender” or anything like that is too big a shock statement.  I think that a softer introduction of “I wish I w...
Post a Comment
Read more

21 Jun 24 - more correspondence from the gender clinic

I got details if the voice feminisation therapist through on the email and also links to the BMA and GMC guidance for GPs so I can do battle with the practice and see if they will help with my treatment by prescribing and doing the blood tests.  The voice coaching letter is interesting. It seems it’s not just talking in a higher pitch but also about resonance and it is that which makes the most difference. Which makes sense. The are women with high voices and low voices but they are all immediately identifiable as female, so there must be something other than pitch that signals this.  They also train for conversation, telephone and projection / public speaking as you use your voice differently in these situations.  Sounds interesting, maybe fun and most likely difficult to master.  I was visiting our northernmost office today and was hoping to be able to go out at the Mall on the way home, but there wasn’t enough time to fit that in. I am keen to have some more ...
Post a Comment
Read more

15th August - why transition?

I ended yesterday‘a post with a question: if I can find joy in just occasionally seeing myself as a woman, why would I want to upset my whole life and go through the emotional and physical pain of transitioning?  Is this a good question? Or is it just my protective brain once again trying to prevent me from taking a risky step? Could be both?  Assuming it is a valid question to ask myself, what are the arguments for not transitioning?  I have managed to live my life with my secret for decades and I am fine. When I do get to dress femme, I like it and it brings me happiness, and occasionally real joy. Real life is mundane and I am sure that dressing female all the time will not bring me perpetual joy and happiness, it will just be my normal. With suitable underwear and the right style of clothing, I can achieve the outward appearance of a female body shape and look pretty good (mainly thanks to the advantage of height relative to size). I don’t need hormones or surgery to ...
Post a Comment
Read more