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17 January - what happens next?

I’m more than half way through the first month of the year I planned to transition and it has to be admitted that I am not quite on schedule and a couple of big things haven’t yet been done. 
I have almost abandoned the whole idea a couple of times and in those moments I was glad of the things I haven’t done. 
But now I’m glad that I haven’t stopped and am feeling that I could have done them and been further forward. 
Obviously the single biggest thing that remains undone on my trans to-do list is to speak to my wife about what I want to do with my life. 
In my original plan for January I was to have presented to her as Nicola already. I shaved my legs in readiness so I could wear a skirt with tights, which took ages! And maintenance is a bit of a hassle too, but the effect is so worth it. 
I had envisaged that by this stage of the month I would be dressing low key femme at weekends, in leggings or skinny jeans to give her some time to get used to seeing me in girl mode. That seems to be a way off yet. 
The other really big thing was to get clearance from my local doctor and then submit my application to the private gender clinic. The doctor took ages to reply and then said no, so I haven’t yet done the application. I have drafted it. Actually I first completed the form and answered all of the questions a year ago. Since then, I’ve added to and redrafted three times. That form is well and truly ready to go. In my original plan at new year’s, it would be in by now and I would be hoping for an initial consultation by the end of the month and to be  taking my first oestrogen in February. Maybe that was always a bit unrealistic but I was keen to get started. 
I don’t know when that might happen now. 
Nor do I know what to do next. 
The small things that I have changed have been affirming and had a surprising effect on how I feel. 
I’m also finding that daily journaling like this has helped me to order my thoughts and I’m enjoying writing, which is an added bonus. 
But I think that I’ve done all the little things that I can do. To make any further progress needs me to face up to one of the big things. 

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