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12 January - an answer from the doctor

No.
That’s the answer. 
The question was whether or not they would be willing to provide blood tests and prescriptions alongside a private gender clinic that would provide the treatment plan for medical transition. 
It seems their policy is not to work with any organisation outside of the NHS (the state healthcare system in the UK). 
There is an NHS gender provision and they did offer an appointment to discuss a referral to the gender identity clinic for the region. 
That’s kind of them, but the regional GIC is famous for having the longest waiting list of anywhere. 
If I got a referral now, it would literally be a new decade before I could expect a first appointment. 
Given that I have already left it very late to start, there is absolutely no point in contemplating a start date at least seven years older. 
This is my first attempt to get any king of support with my transition and I get the door slammed in my face. 
I imagine that is what is going to happen every single step of the journey. No one is ever going to help. Everyone is going to do whatever they are able to block my progress. 
Well that’s something to look forward to. 
Unfortunately my thoughts have turned immediately negative and I’m feeling pretty deflated. 
The first reaction I had was that this was a sign that I should stop this ridiculous idea. 
Which is ridiculous in itself because I don’t even believe in signs from the universe or whatever. 
However, I am now questioning whether I should recognise that what I want is impossible to get and give up. Maybe I could have a “normal” mid life crisis instead and get a sports car. 
This is just a set back, and probably not an unexpected one to be honest. I am in a position where I can use private providers instead, so the NHS refusing any support does not prevent me from progressing with the private clinic this year (as opposed to next decade). 
It may be possible but is it worth it? 
Fighting the system every step of the way sounds miserable. To eventually get to be a trans woman in an environment that is increasingly against trans women. 
This does not feel like the path to happiness. 
But then nor does living a life as a not quite man. 
Either way, the one thing that seems impossible is happiness. 

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