Skip to main content

10 January - acknowledgement from the doctor

At the start of the year I was feeling particularly brave one day and used the online contact service to enquire whether my local doctor would be willing to work alongside a private gender clinic to provide blood tests and prescriptions to their treatment plan. 
This was my first time of contacting any kind of medical provider about my gender or plan to transition and it felt like a really big deal to put down in writing, in a formal context what I want. 
I said explicitly that I am trans gender. That I intend to transition, start a programme of feminising hormone treatment and ultimately go for reassignment surgery. 
These are very big things to say, and even writing them now gives me a little flutter of both excitement and fear. 
Putting them in a formal request to my doctor is an even bigger thing. It is actually starting something and whilst I can of course change my mind and stop at any time, my big secret has been revealed and will presumably be entered into my medical records so even if I did stop now, something has happened. 
Except then nothing happened and I haven’t heard anything for about a week and a half. It’s fortunate that I wasn’t trying to contact them about an actual illness if that is the response time! I had almost forgotten that I had done it. 
And then today I received an SMS text message to say “thank you for your message through the app. We have sent your request to your doctor. Many thanks.”
Doesn’t really say anything. Might even be an automated response. 
Or maybe I have started something and set a process in motion that will now happen. 
At some point I will likely receive a call or request to attend an appointment and then I can begin. 
I can stop it at any time but so long as I don’t say stop, and keep saying yes, then the thing that I have started will change my body to that of a woman. 
There is a part of me that’s screaming STOP! And that I should reply to tell them it was a mistake and I don’t want to do that. 
Another part of me just wants to go through with it and is really thrilled at the prospect. 
It’s a scary and exciting time. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5 May 25 - living a lie

I’m wearing a soft crop top and Brazilian knickers under my male clothes today and it’s the first time   I’ve done so since my wife found out about my underwear.   I did wear some knickers last weekend for a day, which was nice but this is the first time I have had the crop top too.  Considering that I was wearing the underwear full time and the crop tops every weekday evening and all weekends for the previous month, this has been a big gap.  I have really been craving the feeling of a bra or crop top. That stretchy tightness of the band around my chest and the straps over my shoulders. It is such a relief to have one on now.  Because I’m a bit scared about getting caught out again I have only worn the soft crop top as that is least visible under my clothes. The more structured crop top has bra straps which are a bit more noticeable so although I really want to wear that, it felt a bit too risky.  This is so rubbish that I have to hide who I really am ...
Post a Comment
Read more

23 Sep 24 - great podcast: Straight Wife Trans Life

I’ve been listening in the car to a podcast called Straight Wife Trans Life. My friend Dee (another closeted married trans woman) recommended.  The podcast is presented by the wife of a trans woman who came out to her after they had been married for thirteen years, she having previously had no idea that her husband was trans.  Series 1 tells the story of their first year from disclosure on New Year’s Eve through coming out to family, friends, their kid, and beginning transition.   Liese (the presenter) is really honest. She was not ok with the news and admits she reacted badly. Eventually she decided that they would stay together as married friends, but she is very clear that she is straight and isn’t going to change for her spouse. She uses the term spouse, as she doesn’t accept that she has a wife, and in referring to their marriage, she talks of her husband, as that was what she had at the time.  She is upset when her spouse claims to have always been a woman, bec...
3 comments
Read more

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time.   The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this.   Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it.  Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time.  The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...
Post a Comment
Read more