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10 January - acknowledgement from the doctor

At the start of the year I was feeling particularly brave one day and used the online contact service to enquire whether my local doctor would be willing to work alongside a private gender clinic to provide blood tests and prescriptions to their treatment plan. 
This was my first time of contacting any kind of medical provider about my gender or plan to transition and it felt like a really big deal to put down in writing, in a formal context what I want. 
I said explicitly that I am trans gender. That I intend to transition, start a programme of feminising hormone treatment and ultimately go for reassignment surgery. 
These are very big things to say, and even writing them now gives me a little flutter of both excitement and fear. 
Putting them in a formal request to my doctor is an even bigger thing. It is actually starting something and whilst I can of course change my mind and stop at any time, my big secret has been revealed and will presumably be entered into my medical records so even if I did stop now, something has happened. 
Except then nothing happened and I haven’t heard anything for about a week and a half. It’s fortunate that I wasn’t trying to contact them about an actual illness if that is the response time! I had almost forgotten that I had done it. 
And then today I received an SMS text message to say “thank you for your message through the app. We have sent your request to your doctor. Many thanks.”
Doesn’t really say anything. Might even be an automated response. 
Or maybe I have started something and set a process in motion that will now happen. 
At some point I will likely receive a call or request to attend an appointment and then I can begin. 
I can stop it at any time but so long as I don’t say stop, and keep saying yes, then the thing that I have started will change my body to that of a woman. 
There is a part of me that’s screaming STOP! And that I should reply to tell them it was a mistake and I don’t want to do that. 
Another part of me just wants to go through with it and is really thrilled at the prospect. 
It’s a scary and exciting time. 

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