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30 December - more on my 2023 plan and progress

Continuing on from yesterday’s post where I shared the first part of my 2023 transition plans, I have taken a couple of small steps today. 

Firstly, I have removed a lot of my body hair using removal cream on my shoulders and back, as much as I could reach anyway, and shaving my chest and stomach. It’s far from perfect, but has made a difference and my body looks less masculine by not being hairy. After all, there’s nothing very feminine about chest hair poking out of a bra, so it is a source of dysphoria that I have now removed, albeit temporarily. This is not the first time I have done so, and I know it grows back quite quickly, which is a pain, but from what I’ve read about hormone treatment, after six months of testosterone blockers and oestrogen, body hair should go away. I certainly hope so, otherwise it will need a lot of maintenance. 

Also today, I have worn female underwear all day under my male clothes and have sat to pee every time. This is a trivial thing really, and a bit of an inconvenience to be honest, but it is one small thing that I can do now to start being a woman and not a man, so each time I do so, it’s a small affirmation that I am being a woman now. 

Another very small step, but part of my journey, I bought women’s deodorant when I was shopping today so that my underarms can smell girly rather than manly. Again, trivial and unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but a little change to my routine in a female direction. 

Whilst in the shop, I did consider also purchasing a pack of five women’s underwear. I currently have seven pairs of knickers, two of which I have worn this week. Therefore, if I am going with my plan and replacing all my boxers with knickers from 1 January, I will need a load more as I will be running out of clean underwear by Thursday. Something held me back though. It felt like a wrong thing to do, to make a purchase to enact a plan, which I still have yet to broach with my wife. It sort of feels like if I talk to her and then have my stock of new underwear already, like I’ve presented her with a fait accompli rather than a discussion. On the other hand, I am avoiding having that conversation, so maybe I should do something that is going to force me to start talking, perhaps by ordering online for delivery in a couple of days so I will be forced to explain myself. 

The other thing I can now do, having registered with the service, is make contact with my medical practice to arrange the pre prescription blood test to be able to start hormones. Again, this feels like something that should be done after talking to my wife, as otherwise it looks like I am going ahead regardless and telling her afterwards. However, it might also be a way of forcing me to have the conversation, since having to explain myself when I get a call from the doctor would make me do something. 

So obviously, the one thing I have not done, is talked to my wife, and I really don’t know where to begin. I want to do this though, so I need to find a way to have the conversation tomorrow. 

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