The end of one year is when the mind turns to the next and what one hopes to see take place in the new year. It’s a strange tradition that we hope for the new year to be different (better) from the last, although the older one gets, the more experience suggests that everything more or less goes on as before and many things get worse.
Of course the reason most years are the same as the last is because I lack the courage or motivation to make any real changes. Obviously the biggest change of all, changing my gender, I have not done. All wishing, no doing. The problem is though, time is passing and I’m still in a male body wishing I was a woman. I’m 48 now and although I keep reading that it’s never too late, it is starting to feel that way. Or more accurately, it feels like I have missed out on too many years and that I am watching another year when I could have done something and experienced life as a woman, just slip by. How many more years do I want to do that, until it really is too late?
New year new me?
I have a plan for transition in 2023, I know what to do when, where to get the treatment and what will happen when, when to come out to different groups of people and stages of social transition at home, out of home, at work and then full time.
There are small steps to begin with: from 1 January I will shave my legs, remove my body hair, switch al my underwear to female, change to female deodorant, and hence forth, always sit to pee. Little things that will help me to feel feminine whilst still presenting male.
The first stage with clothing will be to introduce some female clothes at home for the first month, no need to venture out yet.
I will register with the gender clinic and request an appointment to start hormone replacement as soon as possible, hopefully by the end of January.
All of these things are easy to implement and I can just do them.
The first and most difficult hurdles though, is that I have to explain all of this to my wife.
In a word, terrified.
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