Taking off my skirt

 Sorry for the misleading title but if you are expecting this to be about undressing in a sexy way, then I’m going to disappoint. 

I have already written about how it feels to dress femme, but now I want to talk about the time after, when I have to go back to boymode and how that makes me feel. 

Dressing femme feels good. I feel attractive and feminine and love the difference in how skirts and dresses and tights feel compared to my male clothing. Putting on a bra feels like a transformation ritual and something that completes me in some sense. 

However, I do have much angst about my transness, as we all do, one part of which is that I enjoy the novelty and the physical sensation and whether the feelings of femininity and completion are therefore real. I do like to put myself through the wringer of self doubt! 

So I’ve been trying to normalise dressing femme for myself to see if I still feel the same. I don’t get that many opportunities but I work from home these days and when my wife is out and I have privacy, I change into a skirt or dress and then just get on with my work day. No parading in front of the mirror and taking selfies, just normal life. And after a while the sensations of the clothing fade into the background. I’m still aware of the different feeling of the skirt around my thighs, the band of the bra and the slight discomfort of tucking into shapewear tights and feeling a bit squashed. But it’s background and not front of mind, like it would be if I’m specifically dressing and doing make tans whatever. By not doing makeup and keeping a male shirt or jumper handy, I’m fine doing video meetings and the other people don’t know that out of shot, I’m wearing a skirt. Which is kind of fun. 

But anyway, the point is that the more I just spend time dressed (mostly) femme and get on with doing stuff, the less I am aware of my clothes and the more normal it feels. Importantly though it still feels right and quite comforting to have the background awareness. 

This is all good and part of feeling comfortable with becoming the woman that I feel I am and also reassuring myself that it isn’t just about the novelty of the sensations. 

However, because there’s always a however isn’t there? And coming back to the title, when I know my wife is going to be coming home, I have to take it all off and change back to boymode. When I first began this, that was fine and I could just do it. If anything I’d appreciate that my trousers fit well and are comfy, whereas I need to lose a little weight, or at least a little waist, for some of my skirts to feel as comfortable as they perhaps should.

As time has gone on though and I’ve done this more and dressing femme has become normal to me, taking it off and going back to boymode feels like a loss. This has sort of crept up on me, but when I unzipped my skirt and let it fall to the floor yesterday, I felt suddenly genuinely sad about letting go of being a woman, however temporary it had been, and having to revert to male. 

I think this is a sign that I’m getting closer to needing to make a change.