Cisgender envy

I’m envious of cisgender women but not how you might expect

I suppose that’s kind of obvious really. As a MTF trans woman (if indeed that’s what I am), I don’t have a female body but “real” i.e. cis women do. So it figures that I will feel envy or jealousy for that. 

What is strange is that it is the little things that trigger feelings, more so than the obvious physical differences. 

For example, women in the office who are wearing skirts or dresses have a range of subtle hand movements that they probably aren’t even aware of.  A little flick or smooth to the front of the skirt or dress when they stand up so that it hangs right; the smoothing down the bottom of the skirt or dress before sitting down, so it doesn’t crumple under them and is comfy to sit on. Just really trivial everyday things that cis women do out of habit but which I don’t get to do, because I am presenting as a man.

The other one is adjusting their shoulder straps on their bras. Many of the women I work with will reach through the neck of whatever they’re wearing to reposition their bra straps. Just another everyday part of being a girl but because I don’t get to do it, it feels like a big deal. Mind you, what they should actually do is adjust the fit of their shoulder straps so they sit comfortably and don’t slide off the shoulder but that’s probably my practical male side!

Funny how it’s the little things.