Maiden’s Journey

I have been experiencing a bit of a rollercoaster of feelings this weekend. Well, not just this weekend, but even more so than usual.  As usual, I am bouncing between “I want to do this” and “I can never do this”. All the time. There is no way of taking a step forward. But also, there is no way of giving up the idea of transitioning. Both are impossible.  I have shaved all my leg and body hair growth off again which makes me feel better and a lot less masculine and dysphoric. I am still male though. I can make my legs look feminine and I can put on female underwear, but there is no doubt from the shape, that I am not a woman.  There was a young woman I saw yesterday and she was likely unaware that I even saw her, but looking at her made me feel bad. I wasn’t attracted to her particularly, although she had beautiful hair, but it was her shape that upset me. Maybe it was because she was wearing a tight stretchy top and baggy jeans that emphasised it, or that she had an espe...

Now that shorts season is behind us, and my legs will be hidden by trousers for the next six months, I am free to shave my legs.  I had a brief window of opportunity when my wife was out to get the clippers out and remove the long hair from my legs, chest and tummy. Unfortunately I can’t reach my back to do that, but can do my shoulders at least. And when I say clippers, I mean the dog grooming clippers, which I have found to be the best thing for clearing leg and body hair growth. Lucky I never balded the dog, because they’re pretty effective.  Seeing myself hairless is lovely. My legs go from male to female instantly and I love it. Hair definitely triggers some dysphoria. It will be easier to wear tights when I next get the chance to go out dressed female. Plus, tights will feel nicer to wear too.  Looking at myself in the mirror wearing a crop top and matching knickers with no body hair and shaven legs, I felt so much more feminine. If it weren’t for the unsightly shap...

With the help of my padded bra and padded shorts, I am able to give the illusion of some female curves or to put it another way, “tits and ass”. Because they are just padding though, they don’t move like the real thing, there’s no jiggle or squish.  I was traveling in London today and so was surrounded by many more women than I would normally see, which has made me feel more envious of what I don’t have.  There was a woman on the train wearing a black stretchy ribbed dress that is similar in shape and style to one I have. Her hips and waist and the shape of her bottom were so very feminine. I would love to have a shape like hers. Maybe by taking feminising hormones, I would be able to have a more rounded and feminine bottom, although I can’t have the hips as that is fixed by my bone structure.  There was another woman at the station wearing leggings and again, I was envious of the shape of her thighs, her round bottom and the curve of her tummy. Through feminisation I cou...