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25 Aug 24 - how might I inhabit the world as a trans woman

Taking holiday allowed me to get out of constant thinking about work and has brought my gender back into focus. So, has going back to work and all that intensity pushed it back out again?  No, thankfully. I am still feeling more feminine than I was and it is in my mind a lot. 

We went to the football yesterday which was good, although our team lost, which was less so. It was the team from the city I work in and think of as home, against the team from my actual home town where I grew up. My affinity definitely lies with my adopted home. Funnily enough, I had never actually seen the other team play before, despite growing up there.  Could I imagine going into that environment as a trans woman though? Football stadia are pretty masculine places and although there are women and kids, it is majority male, and a certain type of man too, blokey blokes. Likelihood of accepting trans women, probably low. I can live without football, so not the end of the world, but these are considerations.  

We then went for dinner and drinks, which I think would be fine as a trans woman, provided we go to the right places and avoid the wrong types of bars and people there.  To be fair, that isn’t exactly different to how I am presenting male, there’s places I feel comfortable and those I avoid and these would be the same. 

Walking back home as we got near our house and it was quieter I commented to my wife that after the noise and hustle and bustle of Saturday night in town, it was nice to get to somewhere quiet and safe. She said that she wouldn’t walk this way on her own as it wouldn’t feel safe, she would take the main road. This is another thing I will have to consider. As a man, I can walk home with no fear of sexual assault (I know that can happen but it is not something that ever seems a risk to me). I do however worry about violence around pubs and so on. As a woman, my wife is almost opposite, she doesn’t so much worry where there are crowds, but does fear quiet dark places.  As a trans woman, I will have to fear both.  

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