15 Sep 24 - reply from the gender clinic

Now the weather is colder I’m able to wear a crop top under my clothes as well as weekend knickers. It’s nice and I feel feminine having both on 

My new knickers that I got this week are really pretty, pink and cream with floral designs and a little bow at the centre of the front. I do love a bit of girliness. I don’t know if this is just me, or if cis women feel this too, but I feel different if I am wearing white or cream underwear versus wearing black. This makes little sense as they’re hidden from view, but I am aware of a different feeling.  Bit difficult to ask cis women I know whether they feel the same, as it’s an odd question to ask and somewhat beyond the boundaries of most friendships. 

I had a reply from the gender clinic to my question about bringing my wife to the appointments. They said that they encourage bringing a supportive other, but for some parts of the session may ask them to step out. I think it would be really helpful for my wife to come and hear everything first hand. If I report back to her what happens, she may be less accepting than if she hears it for herself from someone else.  It will mean saying things in front of her that she might not like though, so will not be without its difficulties.  Overall though I think the benefits will outweigh the challenges.  I will however have to have the conversation about the appointments and invite her.  

Part of me still thinks that I should cancel the appointment and stop now.  Another part of me wants reassignment surgery to be booked on the same day! How’s that for cognitive dissonance?