11 Sep 24 - an unguarded comment about dresses

Chatting on WhatsApp with a female friend we were talking about Bridgerton and whether she was enjoying it.

She said, lYes! Made me want to prance around in posh dresses all day”.

To which I replied “Me too!”

Which she gave a ❤️ reaction to.

I do really want to tell her that I am trans.

We are having lunch together in a couple of weeks.

There is an element of risk, in that she is very close to other people in my office, but I think she can be trusted, and I’ll have to come out at work at some point so not the end of the world if someone did find out.

I assume she will be supportive and super lovely, because that’s the kind of person she is.

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23 Sep 24 - great podcast: Straight Wife Trans Life

I’ve been listening in the car to a podcast called Straight Wife Trans Life. My friend Dee (another closeted married trans woman) recommended. The podcast is presented by the wife of a trans woman who came out to her after they had been married for thirteen years, she having previously had no idea that her husband was trans. Series 1 tells the story of their first year from disclosure on New Year’s Eve through coming out to family, friends, their kid, and beginning transition. Liese (the presenter) is really honest. She was not ok with the news and admits she reacted badly. Eventually she decided that they would stay together as married friends, but she is very clear that she is straight and isn’t going to change for her spouse. She uses the term spouse, as she doesn’t accept that she has a wife, and in referring to their marriage, she talks of her husband, as that was what she had at the time. She is upset when her spouse claims to have always been a woman, bec...

11 Feb 2024 - how do you open a “coming out” conversation?

Feeling better today and woke up feeling feminine which was nice. Wife still in bed. I could come out, but only to the dog! Went for a run instead. 2.75 miles which is 0.5 miles more than last week but the last bit was a struggle. We talked a bit but I didn’t say what I need to say. Now she has gone to shower. I also didn’t say anything in the afternoon and then failed to say anything in the evening too. The problem is that it isn’t the sort of thing that neatly segues into a conversation. “Funny that you should mention penile inversion vaginoplasty…” is unlikely to ever come up as an opportune opening. And it is the opening sentence that I think is the hardest part. That is the moment of “shock” so needs to be not too shocking. After that, I think I will find the rest fairly easy as it is just telling my story. I think that “I’m transgender” or anything like that is too big a shock statement. I think that a softer introduction of “I wish I w...

10 Oct 24 - resilience

I had lunch today with my peer mentor and one of the things we spoke about was resilience and where it comes from. I know that I am very resilient but I have no idea how or why. We could both talk about how we maintain it through sleep and diet and exercise and reflection but that is just maintenance, not the source. I could probably add journalling to the list of activities as I do find benefit in this. Maybe I could also add being trans. Having this whole secret dimension to who I am and having to challenge myself to do scary things must surely help to build my inner strength. The other major factor in that is that I have to do it all alone. I have no support or help, so the strength can only come from me. Not just in a trans context either. Because I am different and don’t fit in with any particular group, I feel as an outsider everywhere so have no support in anything. That sounds bad, but I think it’s good for self-reliance and inner strength to ...

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