I don’t know what has changed but I am gradually beginning to feel a bit more trans again.
Part of the issue has probably been that my new role at work is so engrossing that I have not been able to devote so much thought to who I am myself. Related to this, it feels impossible to do both a leadership role in a challenging environment and transition at the same time.
Meeting with my peer mentor this week has helped as her direct approach of just telling me like it is does help to give me confidence and that in turn enables me to feel anything is possible.
Then I have been having other external conversations about options for the firm, some of which result in handling over responsibilities to someone else. There is a part of me that selfishly sees that as a way of making it easier for me to transition. That’s not the right way of looking at it and I do feel guilty for this, but maybe the little flutter of hope that I feel tells me something about my need to be able to transition and live as a woman.
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