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29 Jun 24 - some doubts about whether booking the gender clinic was the right thing

The firm that I work for is a bit behind in diversity.  This came up at a meeting and the rest of the senior people were oblivious. I really do feel like a generation apart from them sometimes, even though we are less than ten years apart in age. 

The firm certainly doesn’t feel like a place where a trans person could comfortably come out and transition and expect to feel welcomed. I obviously have some vested interest in that but also a responsibility to those that come after. 

Because I have been so busy and stressed, I have barely had time to think on who I am. I have almost felt less about gender since booking the clinic than before. I don’t know if that is because taking that step has triggered something or that I’m just too busy to think.  

This is worrying me a little to be honest.  

Does it mean that I have started something that I shouldn’t have?  Did I just get carried away with the fantasy of being a girl? 

I do still want that. I really do 

I just can’t see how I can do that in my life. 

Or maybe I can. I can just make it happen and force it to work. Or it won’t work, but that doesn’t matter because at least I’ll be me. 

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