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17 Jul 24 - more doubts, and waxing hurts!

Ok so I can definitely report that waxing oneself really does hurt. Not only that, it left me with a painful rash that took a week to calm down. Clearly not something that should be attempted just before going out as it looks red and sore for a long time after. Although maybe that is worse the first time because there was a lot of hair to remove.  Not that I’m in a hurry to repeat the experience!


I’m still feeling really uncertain about my gender. When I booked the appointment with the gender clinic I had certainty that I was doing the right thing and didn’t even hesitate. Now time has passed I’m much less clear.  Maybe it’s just fear of the consequences of coming out and transitioning that is feeding the uncertainty and my default response to fear is to dive straight into the “I’m not really trans / not trans enough” loop?  Or maybe I’m not really trans and did get carried away with a silly fantasy and now I’m regretting it. 

I know I still don’t feel like or man or want any of that. And I do relate to being a woman and do want that. Maybe it is just a fear response.

—

Later…

Having the house to myself I’ve been able to dress female today. I was going to go for leggings and a top but then found my short summer dress. Have put this on with a white bra and knickers and I feel wonderful. Love the way it floats around my legs and around my tummy. 

Ooh, and it goes spinny when I twirl around. 

I love this dress so much for how it makes me feel

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