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11th June - a little jog

I went for a short (1 mile!) jog this morning as a gentle attempt to ease back into running after a long break (years!). 

A long time ago, I did a couple of half marathons and could comfortably do a 5 or 10k. I was never very fast but it was an achievement for me to be able to get around the course. Somehow, having been unable to run any kind of distance in my youth, I became able to do it in my thirties. No idea how or why. 

However that was ten years ago and I think it is seven or eight since I last did a Half. Now I’m late into my forties and with a desk job, and working a lot of hours, exercising has slipped out of my routine. 

Getting measured for the hire suit yesterday, specifically the waist measurement, confirmed that sitting on my behind all day has consequences. Not to put too fine a point on it, I’m getting a bit of a tummy. And I don’t like it. 

It’s not all bad, as some weight has settled on my chest and a tight underwire bra shapes me quite nicely and feels like boobs. But the rest of the time, moobs are not a good look. 

Not only that, my favourite skirt, which I want to wear when I arrange to see my friend en femme for the first time is a size 12 (UK) and I am feeling like a 14 now so that is going to pinch. 

Action required then. 

Hence going for a run. But I also know from painful experience that trying too much too soon causes me so much knee pain, hence the short and slow run. Plus, it is pretty hot here today so going far wouldn’t have been fun. 

I really wished that instead of shorts and T-shirt I could have been running in Lycra shorts and a sports bra and a cute fitted top, and that I could have shaved legs. And a pony tail that bounced and swung as I ran. It’s funny that jogging gives me the clearest mental picture of the woman I wish to be. 

Now I need to keep it up though and get back in shape so that I can become a new and more interesting shape! 

I lack motivation to be fit or in shape as a man, just as I can’t muster any interest in buying new male clothes. I can’t envisage myself feeling attractive as a male so don’t much care about how I look. 

Maybe by trying to get in shape as a woman, I can motivate myself to do more. 

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