Not my first bra, I have bought a few over the years, actually I think this one would be my eighth bra. What I mean is that this is a First Bra, designed for teens in puberty and literally their first bra.
It is something that I feel I need to have. For a cis woman, it’s a rite of passage and I suppose I want to feel something of that.
It’s also, my true size, 38AA, i.e. the widest band for my unfortunately masculine frame and the smallest cup size for the similarly unfortunate lack of actual breasts.
More than the style or fit though, it’s the symbolism of it. In my grand transition plan I bought crop tops for the first stage of hormones when I hoped to experience the beginnings of breast development. The First bra is what I would need for the next stage, when budding occurs.
This is not to say that I have any way for that to happen nor even certainty that I ever will, but buying this means I’m ready for it if it happens.
I have, as I said, been purchased bras before and am quite comfortable in a lingerie department and have largely overcome early fears of being in such a place and conspicuously male. This purchase did feel different though, more scary and a bit wrong.
The rest of the lingerie, for women, is fine and familiar but going into the area with the bras for young girls feels like intruding into a space I have no right to be. It is a rite of passage but also for many, quite a scary and very private time, and I feel like it is wrong for me to even look at the display of bras for them. Fortunately there was no one shopping there so it was ok, but I couldn’t possibly have gone and picked a bra from the rack had there been anyone there choosing for their real need.
Going to pay was also nerve wracking. Buying a normal bra is fine. I might be shopping for a wife or girlfriend. That is understandable and not that unusual. But a man buying a first bra? That’s not easily explained. For a daughter, maybe, but wouldn’t she do that shopping with her mother, and be there herself to choose? No questions were asked and it was fine, but my heart was beating faster than usual.
So this is what I bought:
It is really pretty, with the lace trim and the little bow at the centre. If I really was a teen getting her first bra, I would be very happy with this, it’s lovely
Time to try it on
Compared to my other bras, the straps are very thin, which makes sense as there is no weight to bear in an AA cup. I was concerned that the straps would not be long enough for my large male shoulders but there is loads of adjustment and they’re fine, albeit at their full length. There is no underwire of course, it is designed for comfort and to help girls to get used to bra wearing. The cups are padded but more like just thick fabric rather than for enhancing the shape. When I had a bra fitting, I overheard the assistant in another cubicle explaining to a mother that the padding in first bras is for modesty not shape. (As an aside I do feel guilty at having heard part of a private conversation like that, so can understand why some cis women don’t like the idea of trans women in female spaces, but that is another debate and not for here). Now I’m wearing one, I can see that, it gives a smooth contour and hides my natural shape and I can’t even feel my nipple through it, and definitely not see them so would be perfect for covering any development. The fabric is all super soft and comfortable which I think is important for the stage of development when breasts and tender and nipples sensitive and can get sore. I have read that trans women can’t really wear first bras because they’re shaped for much smaller frames and now that I have it on, I can see that. The cups are close together and my chest is a little wider, but having the right size band, it is still comfortable and I think it would be ok for me to wear ‘for real’ if I ever get that far. As it is though, I don’t even fill out the AA cups, which is a little sad and dashes my hopes rather. Initially it felt a bit tight but after the elastic warmed to my body and I got used to it, it became more comfortable and after a while felt just right and although I was aware of the stretchiness around my chest, the sensation of wearing it faded into the background and I stopped noticing it
How do I feel? Not suddenly like a teen starting puberty and on the brink of becoming a woman, but I don’t know if I expected that exactly. I feel a little bit hopeful and that if I can begin female puberty through hormones and reach a stage of needing this bra for real, that it is something that I would welcome.
That’s probably the reason this one is different, it is for a need as part of transition, not just for dressing en femme.
I now have my crop tops for starting out and a first bra for the next stage so I am all set and have everything I need by way of underwear. But not the hormones, those I don’t have.
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