Maiden’s Journey

Not my first bra, I have bought a few over the years, actually I think this one would be my eighth bra. What I mean is that this is a First Bra, designed for teens in puberty and literally their first bra.  It is something that I feel I need to have. For a cis woman, it’s a rite of passage and I suppose I want to feel something of that. It’s also, my true size, 38AA, i.e. the widest band for my unfortunately masculine frame and the smallest cup size for the similarly unfortunate lack of actual breasts.  More than the style or fit though, it’s the symbolism of it. In my grand transition plan I bought crop tops for the first stage of hormones when I hoped to experience the beginnings of breast development. The First bra is what I would need for the next stage, when budding occurs.  This is not to say that I have any way for that to happen nor even certainty that I ever will, but buying this means I’m ready for it if it happens.  I have, as I said, been purchased bras b...

I have been away from here for about a month and trying not to think about anything gender related, just get on with the day to day.  Two things happened this week where decisions were required. Firstly, I had a hair appointment. My hair was getting longer and there was scope to go for a feminine style again. But I have all but given up hope, so went instead for a short male style. I no longer have hair that I can attempt to make look feminine. On the plus side, it’s a lot less hassle to wash and dry. Of course I regretted cutting it immediately. The second decision was regarding an opportunity to have some time out in public en femme as I was going to be passing the out of town mall where I have done so a couple of times previously. I chose not to  in fact, I didn’t even pack any clothes to even have the choice.  I have given up so why bother with the stress? So two decisions and in both, I decisively rejected the trans option and committed to giving up and accepting tha...