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28th February - two months since I started

Here I am at the end of the second month of...what exactly? 

Can I say it's the second month of my transition?  Does it count if noone else knows and everything that I have done has been done in secret?  What is it the second month of, if not transition?  My second month of experimenting with femininity?  Dabbling in womanhood?  Is it anything at all, or just some notion in my head that has no reality in the world?

Well whatever it is, I've been doing it for two months now and some of it has been successful, in small ways. 

I have completely switched to female underwear and worn this exclusively every day of this year.  This is now my normal and I wouldn't even think of putting on male equivalents any more.  It is so normal for me that I am no longer even aware of it feeling any different, although I do have a range of styles and it has to be said that some shapes are definitely more comfortable than others.  When I am aware of them, or think about it, then I do find it affirming.  

I have also normalised sitting to use the toilet, again to the point that I do so without thinking now, it is an embedded habit and my norm now.  It hasn't quite been possible to keep this up exclusively, but across two months, it has been fewer than ten times that I have had to stand and go like a man, so I can live with that and since that is what now feels unusual to me, I count this as a win.   

Another good step has been removing my body hair and shaving my legs.  This makes such a difference to being able to perceive myself as feminine.  It is an ongoing battle though, because it does persist in growing back far more quickly than I would like.  

I'm still no further forward with any kind of medical treatment, which is a disappointment as I had originally hoped that I might be getting my first hormone prescription in March, but maybe that was always unrealistic.  

And the big one, I still haven't talked to my wife, which was a 1st of January goal still unmet.  I can't really make any more progress without doing that.  

So to a large extent, my end of month two update is pretty much the same as the end of month one.  Little secret things are going well, but getting me nowhere.  Big important things that are scary, are not done and that is preventing any other progress.  I really don't want to write the same update at the end of March, and I don't think I will, as I feel more and more ready to make the leap.  

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