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19th February - feel like giving up again

For no particular reason I'm having another one of those days when I feel like giving up.  

My life has settled into a routine of doing my small feminine things which are all good, but after seven weeks, it is just routine now.  I sometimes wonder what the point is if I'm not moving forward.  Would it matter if I put on a pair of boxers instead of knickers in the morning?  Would I be any more or less female if I did that?  I have stuck with it though, because going back on any of the things I have started feels like a failure.  And today I did wear my absolute favourite pair which are very pretty and feel great, and although that was nice, I didn't feel more of a woman because of it.  I really want to though, which makes it hard and is probably why I'm feeling a bit down now.  I can't get to the feeling I want from what I'm doing at the moment, I need to do so much more, but I am stuck and can't do those things so what am I even doing and why do I bother?  If I can't do everything, why do anything?  Why not do nothing?  

I don't know if there is much, if anything else that I can do to feel like I am making any kind of progress without going all-in and taking the plunge.  

Just not feeling much hope right now

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