29 January - frustrated with my own weakness...yet again

Sunday today and with a free day and the teenager out for the day, it would have been the ideal time to speak with my wife.

But once again I didn't.

I'm really frustrated that I just can't manage to do it.

I am preventing myself from ever doing anything.

What am I going to do, spend the rest of my life hiding my underwear and day dreaming?

This is just the same as any other day really, but because I had this sort of vague idea that today should be the day, I am now feeing really down about it.

I would try to focus on the positives, like today is actually one month of shaved legs and underwear, but I am not feeling positive and those seem trivial now.

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5 May 25 - living a lie

I’m wearing a soft crop top and Brazilian knickers under my male clothes today and it’s the first time I’ve done so since my wife found out about my underwear. I did wear some knickers last weekend for a day, which was nice but this is the first time I have had the crop top too. Considering that I was wearing the underwear full time and the crop tops every weekday evening and all weekends for the previous month, this has been a big gap. I have really been craving the feeling of a bra or crop top. That stretchy tightness of the band around my chest and the straps over my shoulders. It is such a relief to have one on now. Because I’m a bit scared about getting caught out again I have only worn the soft crop top as that is least visible under my clothes. The more structured crop top has bra straps which are a bit more noticeable so although I really want to wear that, it felt a bit too risky. This is so rubbish that I have to hide who I really am ...

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time. The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this. Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it. Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago. Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time. The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...

9 Feb 2025 - another week of ups and downs

Another week of ups and downs. I did go out in a skirt, which was nice but just going around shops dressed female is something I have done quite a few times now and I don’t think I gain much from it in terms of real life experience. Nothing new anyway. Since I got the new first crop tops on Wednesday I have been wearing them at home every evening when I change after work and all weekend. Maybe the size 12 is a little tight and I should have got the 14, but it stays where it should and doesn’t ride up like my other less structured crop tops when I raise my arms or do something active. Yesterday I had enough time to do a quick white wash of a couple of tops, a vest, the short nightdress and a few pairs of knickers. I even managed to iron the top and nightdress today, before my wife got up. Having dinner last night, I was a bit hot, it being a curry, so I took my jumper off. I’m a bit nervous wearing just one layer over the crop top as you can see the outline ...

Maiden’s Journey

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