Although I have exclusively worn female underwear every day this year, for whatever reason, I haven't had the opportunity to wear any other affirming clothing.
Today though, I had the house to myself for a good seven hours before my wife would get back and teenager return from school. I was working from home and had a few video meetings, but not a problem provided my top-half was ostensible boy-mode.
I therefore got to spend the whole day wearing a skirt and tights (pantyhose) rather than trousers, and a bra under a shirt and jumper which kept it hidden from the laptop camera.
This was perhaps surprisingly, my first experience of wearing tights with smooth shaved legs, which I have to say, is a game changer. They feel great and so much better than wearing them over horrible hairy man legs. Surprising to me, they were warmer than expected. The weather is pretty chilly in the UK this week but my legs felt warm and no worse than trousers. I always wondered how girls coped in cold weather but now I know it isn't quite as bad as I thought and despite seeming to lack insultation, tights are good.
My skirt is a dark blue pencil skirt to just below the knee. This does look good on me, if I do say so myself, and I really like it. It also helps me to be more feminine as it makes me sit with my knees together for one thing. And because it is narrow, I have to take smaller steps and one stair at a time, rather than inelegant manly strides and two steps at a go. Plus, it just feels good to wear.
Wearing a bra all day is affirming, but after six hours I was quite relieved to take it off. Because I needed to boymode for video calls, I couldn't wear my really comfortable perfectly sized bra that I do love, because it is very padded and gives me obvious visible boobs (well the shape of them anyway). I had a bra fitting for that and it's perfect. My unpadded bra is from before I was brave enough to do that and the size isn't right and the underwire digs in a bit and gets uncomfortable after prolonged wear.
Being able to dress mostly female all day has been wonderful and it felt good.
However, throughout this journey I am constantly learning about myself. For all that the clothes are women's clothes and they feel feminine, they do not make me a woman. If nobody sees them and to the people I am seeing I am presenting to them as male, then I am just a man wearing a skirt. I strangely feel more of a woman when I'm presenting male but fitting in as one of the girls in a group, than I do wearing full female attire secretly and having to present as male. There is a huge social element to my need to be a woman that I realise isn't to do with what I'm wearing but who I am being. This is probably why the last time I went out fully dressed last year it didn't quite achieve what I was looking for because I didn't manage to interact as a woman so wasn't feeling it.
This has given me a lot to think about. Again.
Comments
Post a Comment