Skip to main content

20 January - a whole day en femme

Although I have exclusively worn female underwear every day this year, for whatever reason, I haven't had the opportunity to wear any other affirming clothing.  

Today though, I had the house to myself for a good seven hours before my wife would get back and teenager return from school.  I was working from home and had a few video meetings, but not a problem provided my top-half was ostensible boy-mode. 

I therefore got to spend the whole day wearing a skirt and tights (pantyhose) rather than trousers, and a bra under a shirt and jumper which kept it hidden from the laptop camera.  

This was perhaps surprisingly, my first experience of wearing tights with smooth shaved legs, which I have to say, is a game changer.  They feel great and so much better than wearing them over horrible hairy man legs.  Surprising to me, they were warmer than expected.  The weather is pretty chilly in the UK this week but my legs felt warm and no worse than trousers.  I always wondered how girls coped in cold weather but now I know it isn't quite as bad as I thought and despite seeming to lack insultation, tights are good.  

My skirt is a dark blue pencil skirt to just below the knee.  This does look good on me, if I do say so myself, and I really like it.  It also helps me to be more feminine as it makes me sit with my knees together for one thing.  And because it is narrow, I have to take smaller steps and one stair at a time, rather than inelegant manly strides and two steps at a go.  Plus, it just feels good to wear.  

Wearing a bra all day is affirming, but after six hours I was quite relieved to take it off.  Because I needed to boymode for video calls, I couldn't wear my really comfortable perfectly sized bra that I do love, because it is very padded and gives me obvious visible boobs (well the shape of them anyway).  I had a bra fitting for that and it's perfect.  My unpadded bra is from before I was brave enough to do that and the size isn't right and the underwire digs in a bit and gets uncomfortable after prolonged wear.   

Being able to dress mostly female all day has been wonderful and it felt good. 

However, throughout this journey I am constantly learning about myself.  For all that the clothes are women's clothes and they feel feminine, they do not make me a woman.  If nobody sees them and to the people I am seeing I am presenting to them as male, then I am just a man wearing a skirt.  I strangely feel more of a woman when I'm presenting male but fitting in as one of the girls in a group, than I do wearing full female attire secretly and having to present as male. There is a huge social element to my need to be a woman that I realise isn't to do with what I'm wearing but who I am being.  This is probably why the last time I went out fully dressed last year it didn't quite achieve what I was looking for because I didn't manage to interact as a woman so wasn't feeling it.  

This has given me a lot to think about.  Again.     

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

11 Feb 2024 - how do you open a “coming out” conversation?

Feeling better today and woke up feeling feminine which was nice. Wife still in bed.  I could come out, but only to the dog! Went for a run instead.  2.75 miles which is 0.5 miles more than last week but the last bit was a struggle. We talked a bit but I didn’t say what I need to say. Now she has gone to shower.   I also didn’t say anything in the afternoon and then failed to say anything in the evening too. The problem is that it isn’t the sort of thing that neatly segues into a conversation. “Funny that you should mention penile inversion vaginoplasty…” is unlikely to ever come up as an opportune opening.   And it is the opening sentence that I think is the hardest part.  That is the moment of “shock” so needs to be not too shocking. After that, I think I will find the rest fairly easy as it is just telling my story.   I think that “I’m transgender” or anything like that is too big a shock statement.  I think that a softer introduction of “I wish I w...
Post a Comment
Read more

21 Jun 24 - more correspondence from the gender clinic

I got details if the voice feminisation therapist through on the email and also links to the BMA and GMC guidance for GPs so I can do battle with the practice and see if they will help with my treatment by prescribing and doing the blood tests.  The voice coaching letter is interesting. It seems it’s not just talking in a higher pitch but also about resonance and it is that which makes the most difference. Which makes sense. The are women with high voices and low voices but they are all immediately identifiable as female, so there must be something other than pitch that signals this.  They also train for conversation, telephone and projection / public speaking as you use your voice differently in these situations.  Sounds interesting, maybe fun and most likely difficult to master.  I was visiting our northernmost office today and was hoping to be able to go out at the Mall on the way home, but there wasn’t enough time to fit that in. I am keen to have some more ...
Post a Comment
Read more

15th August - why transition?

I ended yesterday‘a post with a question: if I can find joy in just occasionally seeing myself as a woman, why would I want to upset my whole life and go through the emotional and physical pain of transitioning?  Is this a good question? Or is it just my protective brain once again trying to prevent me from taking a risky step? Could be both?  Assuming it is a valid question to ask myself, what are the arguments for not transitioning?  I have managed to live my life with my secret for decades and I am fine. When I do get to dress femme, I like it and it brings me happiness, and occasionally real joy. Real life is mundane and I am sure that dressing female all the time will not bring me perpetual joy and happiness, it will just be my normal. With suitable underwear and the right style of clothing, I can achieve the outward appearance of a female body shape and look pretty good (mainly thanks to the advantage of height relative to size). I don’t need hormones or surgery to ...
Post a Comment
Read more