Skip to main content

15 January - a strange conversation with my wife

I sort of said the words to my wife, but in an out of context way, and she didn't pick up on it.  

A bit of a strange conversation, but she was incensed by the injustice of gender inequality, sexism and mysogyny generally and the appalling behaviour of men in all manner of ways.  

I actually completely agree with her on all of these things being wrong and that men in a general sense, have much to answer for.  

Where it got difficult was because she wanted to take all the wrong of mankind out on me, as a representative of "men".  

I do like to think of myself as being one of the good guys, and I am certainly not guilty of any of the things that were being fired at me as the problems with my gender (as a generality).  

Which I did point out.  But apparently that just makes me culpable for not actively going out and stopping other men doing these things.  

There is an irony to all of these accusations of course: I'm not a man!  I am trans and view myself as a woman.  Although she doesn't know this.  

Exasperated, I did say that 'I am not like "men", I don't relate to men, I don't like men and I hate being one.'

So I did, technically, sort of, come out as trans.  Well, not quite, but I did make a statement which pertained to my gender not aligning to my sex.  

Given that there was an atmosphere of hostility, and that I know she is at least as anti-trans as she is anti-men, going further and explaining myself fully was probably not going to get a warm reception!

Still, maybe it's a start, or something that I could refer back to as an opening to talk more about who I am.  

Although before doing that, I still need to get my head straight on what I am doing, and that remains a bit in doubt.   

 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

23 Sep 2025 - a handbag?

I have not been out presenting female in public for about six months which is a long time.   The last time was my trip to London when I went out to the bar and dinner, which felt great, and to breakfast in the hotel which was less successful. At that time, I felt confident and like I could do this.   Following my wife catching me out with some of my underwear, I cut my hair, put away my clothes and didn’t do anything for a while. It seems my confidence got lost in that too, because when I started thinking about going out dressed again, I felt really nervous about it.  Probably doesn’t help that the anti-trans lobby had successes during this time and it feels a less safe thing to be doing now than it did six months ago.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty scared this time.  The biggest mental hurdle is around changing from male to female clothing, as I have to leave the office and arrive at the mall in male clothing, then be back in male clothing to go home so...
Post a Comment
Read more

27 May 26 - does my brain actually have a “girl mode”?

As I keep reflecting on my night out as Nicola last week there are a lot of questions and ideas that are swirling around in my head.  One is, whether my brain has a “girl mode”, because I felt so different and behaved in ways that were unfamiliar to me.  The really distinct difference in how I felt this time was that I didn’t feel like I was a man in a dress at all, I just felt like me. I remember thinking that this is what it is like to be “inhabiting womanhood”. Evidently I have ridiculously pretentious notions after a few drinks, but it was what I was feeling. This is what it is like to actually be a woman. Less pretentious.  An odd thing, but one which does make me wonder if my brain has some kind of “switch”, is that I looked at women differently. I am exclusively attracted to women and I am attracted to boobs and bums as much as the next man (cringe at associating with being a man). I know it is impolite to stare at a woman’s chest, and I make a conscious effort no...
Post a Comment
Read more

21 May 2026 - a night out

Having a night on my own in London, I wanted to go out presenting female and get some more “real life experience”.  I had drinks and dinner with some colleagues early evening and to be honest had already had too much wine before I went out later by myself. This probably helped my confidence, although not my coordination with nail polish and mascara, which were a bit slapdash to say the least.  I remember last year getting in a lift in the hotel in a dress ready to go out, and being self conscious of people staring at me. This time, didn’t give it a thought. Likewise going into the underground and being on the train with other people. I didn’t notice if anyone looked at me and nor did I care. I was just me being me and wearing a skirt didn’t feel like a Thing, I wasn’t conscious of my clothes at all.  Similarly walking through a busy Soho to the bar, I just felt like I normally do walking around town.  Got to She Soho. Amazingly the bouncer asked me for ID. I’m 51...
Post a Comment
Read more