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1 January - no real progress

I have sort of got over the disappointment of not talking to my wife last night, or at least the initial pain has passed. 

I tried again today and I think I have worked out how to open the conversation now, but there never seemed to be quite the right time. So I am no further forward, but at least I am not feeling like crying when I go to be tonight. 

The opening that I am planning is to say that the new year makes me think about what I want for the coming year and that my life is passing by. Then to say that I have known since I was 11 that I should have been a girl. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as being trans until I saw a documentary about a trans sexual (as they were known in the eighties) when I was 16. I knew then that was what I was and what I wanted for myself but it seemed impossible and like something I could never actually do, so I repressed my feelings. But now, it feels like it is possible and my life is passing and I haven’t done the biggest thing that I have always wanted. 

I don’t know where the conversation will go after that, but it’s a good place to start, it’s honest and it invites discussion. 

In other news, I have shaved all of my legs now which feels amazing, and also painted my toenails again. Small things but they are helping me to feel more feminine by making my body look more as I see it in my imagination by removing the male cues. 

Today has also been day four of wearing female underwear full time, and of sitting to pee every time, which is already beginning to feel like it’s normal for me now. 

It feels like I’m beginning my future life as a woman already, but I do still have to take the big scary step of talking with my wife. 

Actually having just written that, it has struck me that it really does feel like I have begun something. 

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