Am I trans enough?

 This is a question I ask myself all the time. 

And having spent some time reading posts from the trans community on Twitter it is clear that I am not alone in wondering this. In fact, someone tweeted that their therapist had quipped that it is such a common question among trans people that it is practically a symptom of transness. 

So why do we all keep wondering this? 

It is partly Imposter Syndrome for sure, doubting whether I am qualified to be part of the trans community. Others have said similar, so that seems to be a common feeling too. 

The usual response from the community to someone questioning whether they are trans enough is to say that if you ask the question then you are, and it’s not for anyone else to say how trans you need to be. 

I don’t think that quite nails it though. 

They’re right in so far that if you’re asking the question then you are certainly somewhere on the trans spectrum, but that doesn’t deal with the “enough” part. 

I know for definite that I am some kind of trans. I have dreamed of being a girl since I was 11, have secretly cross dressed in private ever since, and occasionally in public places. I am wearing a bra as I type. I am definitely trans. 

But am I trans enough? 

Enough for what?

For the consequences of coming out and going through with the transition I dream of I suppose. 

Am I prepared to risk my marriage, family, friendships, career, financial security and face public ridicule and fear of violence? Am I trans enough for that? 

Those are negatives and fears, what of the positives? Could I live as a woman full time, totally embrace my female side? Could I change my body with hormones to have the breasts and body shape I have always longer for? Could I have surgery to complete my transition and be a woman, with a vagina? Am I trans enough for that? 

That is after all the thing I have always dreamed of. So yes, I believe I am. 

And yet I am still paralysed by the fear of the negative consequences and this stops me moving forward.