Maiden’s Journey

Here I am again and I recognise the symptoms now.   I felt some gender euphoria over the weekend when tucking gave me the illusion of having a female body for a couple of days.  This gave me hope, and clarity and certainty that this is right for me. I need a female body for me, myself and nobody else.  Now back to “normal” mode and I feel hopeless. I have the opportunity to go out presenting female next week. Except now dysphoria strikes and I can’t see the point. Why take the risk when I can never transition for real? Don’t do it.  There is a noticeable pattern in my brain where euphoria is followed by a dysphoria crash.  I am interested in why this happens, because it feels counterintuitive. My assumption is that if gender euphoria is a high, then the brain would crave more of it and push me towards the behaviours that bring euphoria, but instead, it seems to want to avoid repeating them.  An explanation offered by asking AI is that there are a numb...